The Second Time Around

The other night I did something I hardly ever do. I went on a second date. Now I know that to most normal, rational people, a second date is no big deal but I think if you’ve been reading my blog, you know by now that I’m neither normal nor rational.


I’ve always been a boyfriend girl. For so many years I’ve gone from relationship to relationship and all of them were long term so being hesitant to commit was never really an issue for me. However, after my last relationship, it took me a little while to get back into the dating game.  When I did, I got burned a few times causing me to develop the theory that being non committal and unattached would keep me from getting hurt. On the other hand, it also prohibited me from getting involved.

You see, first dates are a trial. They are just two people testing each other out to see if this is someone they would like to bring into their lives. Some people call me picky when it comes to first dates but I think it’s more about trusting your instincts. I wouldn't mind being in relationship but I want it to be the right relationship. If I don’t think the guy has that potential after the first date, I don’t commit to a second one. Now I know I don’t have to decide if a guy is right or even relationship worthy by the second date, but if I don’t see it as a possibility, there is no point wasting anyone’s time including my own. When you go on a second date, you move from date to dating. It’s not a crazy, lifelong commitment or anything but it does give someone hope. Sure there is always the possibility that I will like the guy better the second time around but there’s always the possibility that my instincts will be right. It’s a 50/50 shot but ultimately I just don’t think it’s fair to lead someone on knowing that I’m not feeling it.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve developed some deep rooted relationship/commitment phobic type issues but since I’m working toward changing myself, I’m going to have break down my rules and give someone a chance. With this guy, a second date should have been a no brainer. The truth is that the first date was over a month ago and it exceeded all my expectations. After that date, I thought there would definitely be another one. He’s smart, funny, successful and cute. He was great on paper and practically perfect in person. It was really just a case of bad timing that kept me from committing to the second date. When I got his phone call last week to see if I wanted to get together, I realized that maybe the timing was right to pick up where we left off. I liked this guy.

It’s been two dates and I’m not saying it’s anything major but it’s nice to know after so many one and done dates, that there are still people out there that I can have chemistry with. We may even venture into uncharted territory with a third date but we’ll see what happens. With me you never know because there’s always the possibility that I will call an audible and give this guy the Heisman for no bigger reason than I’ve talked myself out of liking him. Yet another thing I have to stop doing!

The dating game is definitely harder than most people think and the rule book changes with every boy/girl. You try to play it smart but you can never really protect your heart if you want to be in the game. You need to trust the sparks, take risks on people and let yourself be vulnerable. You can’t make someone want you or force a fit but just because you get burned once or twice, it doesn’t mean that the possibility of something better isn’t right around the corner.

“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.” – A Cinderella Story