Hi, My Name Is Single?!

Last week I went to jewelry party and although it was a really fun event, I had a specific conversation that stood out in my mind long after the party was over.  It might get a little Sex and the City here so bare with me as I channel my inner Carie Bradshaw.

The woman who hosted the party and her husband have been long time family friends and the other attendees were mostly people I knew already, with the exception of a few.  One of the guests that I didn’t recognize was the niece of the people hosting the event and she was there with a friend of hers.  Both looked to be about my age, I figured late twenties or early thirties.   I really didn’t speak to them much during the party until the end of the night when I happened to mention where I was living to someone and they over heard.  It turned out both girls lived near where I do so I got to talking to one of them but within the first few sentences she decided to lay all her cards on the table as she blurted out, “I’m 34 and single”. 

I really wish I could have been standing in front of a mirror at that time because my face had to be pretty priceless!  Part of me was shocked over the fact that I had just met this girl and all I knew was her name, where she lives and now her relationship status.  Another part of me was confused because where exactly do you go from there with the conversation?  Do you go with sympathy and say I’m so sorry for you or maybe cling to the optimistic side and say don’t worry it will happen one day?  I could have pried into her personal business and asked her why she was single because she seemed like such a great girl but I had just met her so that felt intrusive.  And of course I could always just be relatable and tell her I felt her pain but none of those really seemed to fit this conversation.  I went with the ever popular subject change and asked her what she did for a living.  When in doubt, avoid the elephant in the room!

When I left the party I couldn’t stop thinking about this conversation.  I didn’t remember her name.  I didn’t remember what she told me she did for a living.  All I remembered about this girl was that she was 34 and single.  The truth is that even though my age may be different, my relationship status is the same as hers so I know where she is coming from, however, my name is not single. 

There are a lot of interesting things about me and single is not one of them so the thought of using that fact in a conversation would never cross my mind.  But for many people, girls especially, we let titles like “single” define us.  We can be executives or scholars or philanthropists but when it comes down to it, all that can be wiped away by the giant name tag we have to wear that says, “Hi, my name is single”.

Personally, it's taken me a long time to realize and come to terms with it but I am single by choice.  Sure it would be easy to settle for the wrong guy just to say that I’m in a relationship and never have to be the odd wheel at a function again but what’s the point?  Inevitably that will just blow up like a grenade one day, leaving you right back where you started or you might not be available when the right person comes along. 

Why is being single always met with pity?  Where is my praise for not picking the wrong person?  What happened to my pat on the back for not settling for what’s available and holding out for what’s right? Is it really fair to date someone just so you don’t have to be alone?  I would rather be single than stuck in a situation leading someone else on while I know that I’m not as into it as they are.

It was my conversation at this party that made me realize that I don't want to be the girl wearing the name tag announcing to the world that she is single.  I want to let my accomplishments or my interests speak for me in a conversation, not my lack of a relationship.  So I'm single and I'm going to rock it but it's not my identity.  Single is more of a wardrobe choice.  It's the style I'm choosing to wear right now but in fashion, styles and trends change every day.  I know I'll reinvent my look at some point but it has to be a look that fits me.  Some people just can't pull off certain styles and that's ok because the right look for them will come together eventually.  In the meantime, you just have to have fun trying on different trends and seeing if they work for you.

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." - Carrie Bradshaw