If you assume I came up with this whole change your life challenge on a whim, you are wrong. There is actually some deeper organization and thought behind my social experiment. Yesterday I gave you reasons why I am doing all this and today I want to get into more of the details, starting with the first section of three, letting go.
Sometimes we have to take a look at who we are and who we want to be and see if those two people match up. If they do, then you are pretty lucky but if they don’t, then look at what is keeping you from being who you want to be and let it go.
During the "Letting Go" portion of my process, I am committed to doing three things. I want to forgive past mistakes, reevaluate the friends I have in my life and finally tie up loose ends when it comes to past relationships. All of these things are items that I have avoided dealing with for one reason or another over the years and it’s time to confront them.
When I started this blog, I knew this would be the first thing I would have to address in order to move forward with the other two aspects of this project. I gave myself from my start date of November 12th, 2010 until December 31st, 2010 to complete this stage. Once I hit 1/1/11, I want to be in the best possible place mentally then maybe I ever have been in my life. That is the ultimate goal of this part of the process.
So far, I have been able to forgive myself for my past. In order to gain closure, I had to accept the things that I have done and choices I have made. By holding on to things, especially the “what if’s” associated with decisions, I am allowing myself to let something hinder my progress. They are excuses. Excuses are just reasons created in our own minds to allow us to justify why we are not living up to our full potential. I will no longer let myself be held back by excuses. I know that we all make mistakes and instead of being embarrassed or hurt by mine anymore, I am going to chalk it up to whatever doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger. I have learned something from every experience and will take what I can from each situation to make me a better version of myself and prevent history from repeating.
I have decided what people to hold on to and which ones to let go of. In order to become more of the person I want to be, it is important that I make sure to surround myself with the right people. I started with my phone, which is pretty much my life line, and purged anyone I didn’t think needed to be in there. Far too often we hold on to people as “friends” when we either don’t talk to them anymore or can’t come up with valid reasons why we are friends. Sure somewhere along the line, they may surprise you and come back to be your friend again but you can always cross that bridge when you come to it. At this point, you have to do what you need to do for where you are at now and decide if that person is included.
Finally, there are past relationships. I have a friend who likes to mock me by asking, “Who are you stringing along now?” whenever he sees me. I don’t want to be that girl but the truth is that I am. All of my major relationships seem to be skeletons still lurking in my closet but recently, in one way or another, I have gotten closure for all of them. In each case, I said everything I needed to say to them and now I am holding on to nothing. Whether it was confessing feelings, admitting to the lack of feelings, or realizing that we are different than we used to be as a couple, I have made peace with each of these people and am no longer stringing anyone along. I have tied up all the loose ends and the most important part is that I am not just saying that like I have in the past. I believe it with all my heart this time and there no doubts in my mind.
So as I approach my appointed deadline for completing my letting go stage, I am fully confident that I am going to enter 2011 with no baggage. I am taking the right people forward with me and leaving the wrong ones behind. I have no excuses left. Everything from my past is what it is. I can’t change it. Moving forward, I hope to continue to apply my theories of forgiveness, evaluating relationships and tying up loose ends to my life as I go along rather than having it get so out of control that I have to do it all at one time like I am doing now.
There are a few days left in 2010 and I urge each of you to find anything that has a hold on you and free yourself from it. A new year is a new beginning and it’s important to start things off right. Wipe the slate clean for yourself and make 2011 your best year yet.
“Change is never easy, you fight to hold on, and you fight to let go.” - The Wonder Years
“There’s no need to miss someone from your past – There’s a reason they didn’t make it to your future.” – Unknown
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