The Bigger Picture

The end of every year gives us a good excuse to look back on where we’ve been and contemplate where we want to go.  Have we lived up to our full potential?  Are we holding on to things that may be holding us back?  Is it time to think about repairing strained relationships or cutting ties all together?  Are we happy?  As we approach the final day of 2011, we are practically powerless to resist the temptation to ponder the bigger picture. 

For me personally, the past year has been one big reflection on both my current state of affairs and the direction I want to be heading in.  This year I let go of my plans and pretty much threw everything I thought I wanted out the window in hope of finding all the things I never knew I always wanted.  Ultimately, I had my highs and lows but I learned life is less about plotting and planning every moment and more about making it up as you go along.  There is no road map, instruction manual, or checklist to follow because we are meant to stray off course.  We are meant to find the unexpected. 

So as you look back on what 2011 was all about for you and think forward to what you want from 2012, I hope that whatever you decide to do, you will hold nothing back.  Don’t look back on 2011 and dwell on what you could have done, should have said, or would have been but remember all that this year actually was for you.   Moving forward, let life you take you where it is going to and have no regrets.  Remember that “what ifs” are only questions that you were too scared to take the risk to find out the answers to. 

“The only thing you live to regret are the risks you didn’t take.” – Unknown

1 Very Happy Holiday

Well we've come to the first day of Christmas and today, I want to say that the most important thing I wish for this Christmas is that everyone have a safe and happy holiday.  So here's to Christmas and one very happy holiday.  Oh and let's not forget one completed 12 days of Christmas task.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!

2 Birthday Boys

When you think about on all the Christmas’ you’ve had in your life, can you really remember all the presents you got?  Most of the time it’s a blur of gift wrap filled with items that will be replaced the following year because you will outgrow them or styles will change.  At the time the gift was probably exactly what you wanted and seemed like the greatest thing in the world but ultimately it will be forgotten as time goes by.  However, in all the Christmas memories, there are those extra special gifts that you just can’t forget.

 28 years ago, I got a gift from my parents that’s been practically impossible to forget.  The truth is that if I try to forget it, my present will open it’s mouth and remind me of his presence.  If you haven’t guessed it already, all those Christmas’ ago, I got a baby brother.

This has been the most interesting present I’ve gotten for Christmas and there are times I wish I could find the receipt and see about an exchange but ultimately having my brother has been pretty fantastic.  It’s definitely not a bike, a fancy piece of jewelry, or the new “it” electronic item but the upside is that he keeps changing with the times making it almost impossible to outgrow him.

So on this 2^nd day of Christmas, when the world recognizes the birth of one great man, I get to pay tribute to the birth of another great person.  Without this Christmas gift 28 years ago, my life would never have been the same and I wouldn’t have had anyone to torture or blame things on growing up (not sure how much he enjoyed that!).  The truth is, no matter what our differences, he's the only brother I'll ever have and I'm lucky to have him.  When it comes down to it, it will alway be us agains the world and i'm pretty glad he's on my team.   So happy birthday to two people today who were destined to do great things!

3 Weddings

2012 is the year of the wedding for me.  No you won’t see me in the big white dress just yet but rather I will be taking on Katherine Heigl’s role in the sequel to 27 dresses.  Ok maybe it’s not that drastic but today, on the 3^rd day of Christmas, as I head out to shop for a bridesmaid dress for wedding #2, I think it is only fitting to devote my post to my upcoming 3 wedding year.

Next year I have three friends getting married and all three have asked me to stand up with them as they do it.  When you are asked to be in a bridal party, someone is saying that they value you and their relationship with you so much so that they want you to take a major role in what will definitely one of the biggest days of their lives.  I can’t imagine any other gesture paying a higher tribute to you as a friend.  All the planning will definitely keep me busy over the next year and it’s a huge financial commitment but at the end of the day, I am so excited and honored that they chose me for their wedding parties. 

With each person I have a very different relationship and I know that each of their weddings will be unique and special in its own way.  I will go from Teresa’s classy country club event preceded by a big hat wearing Kentucky Derby Bachelorette get-a-way, to Col’s trendy downtown affair with a Miami Beach Bachelorette Fiesta, to Kate’s sweet Suburban wedding and a beach blast Bachelorette.  I think come September when it’s all over, I will not think about all the hours I gave up planning things or the money I spent, but rather I will look back on all the wonderful experiences I had and memories I’ve made with someone my closest friends.  And whenever I start to lose my sanity along the way, I know that Erin will be the amazing friend she has always been and talk me down off the ledge J 

So on this 3^rd day of Christmas, here’s to 3 really exciting occasions next year, 3 fun destination bachelorette trips, and 3 sets of amazing memories with not only the 3 brides and their 3 grooms but with many more of my favorite people in the world.  And of course we’ll do it all in the same year that we hit the big 3-0 so it looks like 3 might be my lucky number in 2012!

4 Years Working

Since graduating college, I’ve jumped around a little bit job wise.  I started working for a fitness facility selling programs, then went on to do public relations for a large scale venue management company, which led me to my current position as a meeting planner.  Today, on the 4^th day of Christmas, I want to recognize 4 exciting years at my job.

When I first interviewed for my current position, I left the building thinking that this was my dream job and I had to get.   After I got it, I quickly realized that there would be times when the dream would be more like a nightmare but overall, the job has been good to me.  I started this position right before the economy hit its downward spiral and I have managed to keep it thus far which today, is a big deal.

For me, 4 years is a long time to be at job, especially if you averaged just 2 years at your previous places of employment.  In fact, it’s a long time to do anything.  It’s longer than any romantic relationship I’ve ever had, more time then I’ve lived in any one apartment, and the same amount of time I spent in high school or college.  Sure I may have this job or another one for 10, 15, or 20 years and this milestone will look like nothing in comparison but right now 4 years is a significant chuck of time in my life.

So this Christmas, I’m happy to have a job, especially this one.  I have more responsibility than I would have if I were with a bigger company, which means I learn more and am involved in a greater variety of things.  The people I work with are amazing and have become friends over the years.  I also get to travel around the country to some really fabulous places, which has been the most rewarding perk of the gig.  Of course this isn’t where I want my career journey to end, but it’s a really great place to stop along the way to my ultimate professional goal.  And being there for 4 years, also gets me an extra 4 days off next year, which will go a long way towards making 2012 a great one.  But right now, on the 4^th day of Christmas, I am going to enjoy the 4 day weekend that started when I left the office this evening and that’s definitely something to be thankful 4 J   

5 Dollars

Last week, I went out to dinner with my boss and the two ladies who work in my department for a little holiday celebration.  Since my boss is not from the area, we decided to take her out to a town about 30 minutes from our office.  This particular area is great to walk around and has a lot of wonderful restaurant choices so it sounded the like the perfect idea.  We even thought ahead and got a restaurant recommendation.  It was all going smoothly, until…

Our perfect night began to derail when we realized the cute little town that we thought we would get to walk around was closed.  Even at the height of the Christmas shopping season, all the shops were shut down by the time we got there at 7:30pm.  Ok well the Gap was open but that wasn’t quite what we were looking for.  Then when we got to the restaurant, we realized that it was a BYOB and we were missing our own B.  As we walked around checking out other menus for different restaurants, we had a hard time finding anything that seemed as appealing as our first choice.  Finally when we were leaving a sushi bar we had considered going to, we decided to ask two ladies standing outside of that restaurant for their advice on where to go.  Turns out they were from the area and had lots of great suggestions for us and right at the top of their list was the BYOB that we had originally wanted to go to. 

When we told them that that particular restaurant was where we wanted to go in the first place, they insisted that we had to go there and gave us directions to a liquor store within walking distance.  However, when we got to the liquor store, it was closed.  This whole evening had gone from great idea to complete disaster in just about an hour. 

After striking out at the liquor store, we started walking again in search of a place to have dinner.  As we waited at a cross walk to cross the street, we ran into the two ladies who had given us directions to the liquor store.  They were in their car at the red light and yelled out to us asking if we got our wine.  We told them the store was closed.  They yelled back us to go to the restaurant and they would bring us some wine.  To be honest, I thought they were crazy!  No one would really go buy wine for a group of strangers and deliver it to them just so that someone could eat at particular restaurant.  That just doesn’t happen in reality.  20 minutes later, we were sitting in the BYOB with two bottles of wine at our table.

The best part of the story is that when these two strangers showed up to deliver the bottles to us, they wouldn’t take a dime.  They simply said just enjoy it and pay it forward.  I spent the rest of the night thinking "did that just really happen" and for the past few days, I’ve really been looking for a way to pay that simple act of kindness forward.  So far I haven’t come up with anything but the other day I saw a news story on the Salvation Army and how their holiday collection effort was where they generated the majority of their funds for the whole year.  Today when I walked in the mall, there was a gentleman outside the door with his bell and red bucket collecting money for the organization.  Normally I would give the change in my pocket or a dollar if I happened to have one but today, I felt like this was maybe my opportunity to pay it forward.  So I dug deep in my pockets, pulled out my last 5 dollars and dropped it into the bucket outside the mall.

So on the 5^th day of Christmas, I gave the last 5 dollars I had on me to someone who needed it more than I did.  I could have used that money for a latte at Starbucks, lunch out, or a hundred other things but I think I spent the money in the best way possible.  Christmas is supposed to be about the giving.  It doesn’t matter how much you give, but the thought you put behind what you give.  Yes it really is the thought that counts.  Sure there are a million big things that I could have done to help humanity and pay it forward but at the end of the day, the little things are needed just as much as the big things. At the time of year where we are all so focused on what we want and we will get, it's extremely important that don’t lose sight of the giving part of the holidays.

6 Evolving Friendships

When I was in grade school, I met my best friend Amy.  Through grade school, high school, college, and even the sorority, we did it all together.  I don’t think I would have survived it all without her. 

When we got to our junior high years, Amy and Shannon started to become closer friends.  At that point in our lives, Shannon hated me.  She really tried hard to make life difficult for me for some reason but as we got deeper into high school, somehow the animosity between us faded leaving behind a friendship between two people who probably had more in common than they ever would have thought.

In high school, Amy met Brad at an after school job.  Brad, while keeping true to the old saying that boys only tease the girls they secretly like, started his relationship with Amy by throwing pennies at her.  Over their high school years and into college, they became great friends who were obviously perfect for each other but for some reason they just couldn’t get it together and get together.

Just as I was Amy’s sidekick, with Brad came Brent.  The two of them were so a like at times it was scary but I guess that’s why they were best friends.  That was then…

Today as I look back on where we’ve all been, it’s hard to believe how far we have come.  I don’t keep in touch with a lot of people from high school.  To be honest, that period of my life often seems like it was another lifetime but when it comes to Amy, Shannon, Brad, and Brent and all that we’ve been through as a group, I couldn’t imagine my life without them in it.  As the years went on, the group and its members evolved.  Brad finally got the girl and in 2009, Amy and Brad made it official as Shannon, Brent and I all stood beside them at their wedding. 

Old friends are the people who have known you through it all.  They know your most embarrassing moments and your deepest, darkest secrets.  They understand where you’re from and where you’ve been.  They are as much home to you as the house you grew up in.  They are a walking, talking reminder of your history, which can prove to be both good and bad.  But most importantly, they are there when it counts and if your old friends aren’t there for you, then I’m sorry but extremely glad that mine are.  And so that’s the story of my four long time, hometown friends.  Oh wait, but today is the sixth day of Christmas…

Just like with everything in life, friendships evolve.  Brent started dating Steph and she fit into the group so perfectly it was like she had been there from the beginning.  Then there came the best member of the bunch.  Amy and Brad welcomed Baby Tyler to the world in 2010.  Even though he's just a child, I think he's impacted this group more than any of us even realize and he's as much a part of it as all of us are.  And that brought my friend count to six. 

Today on the 6^th day of Christmas, I am extremely grateful to have these 6 people in my life because they each hold a special place in my heart.   Sure over the years we will probably expand further and continue to grow as people but I’m fairly confident we will all do it together.  This Christmas, I say embrace the change.  Things can’t stay the same forever but just because they evolve, doesn’t mean that it is a bad thing.  I’m extremely grateful for the friendships that I have developed with each of these people and thankful that they continue to have me as a part of their lives.  So on this 6^th day of Christmas, here’s to the six people that constantly remind me of who I used to be and where I’ve been even as we all move forward with our lives. 

7 Lessons Learned

For me, this year has been filled with all kinds of new adventures and experiences but when I look back on everything from 2011, I think that it will be my trip to New Zealand with Habitat for Humanity that will stand out as my defining moment.  Now I've written plenty on my trip in this blog already, but today on the 7^th day of Christmas, I would like to look back on the incredible journey I went on and give you 7 things I learned while in New Zealand.

1)      I am capable of doing things I may think that I can’t do and I am the only one who can limit myself simply but thinking that I am incapable. 

2)      No matter where in the world you are from, how many years you have lived, how accomplished professionally you are, or how different your background, education or ethnicity might be, all you need is one common goal to completely level the playing field.

3)      You can learn something new every day if you open your eyes and ears and are willing to accept other people’s advice, knowledge and life experiences.

4)      We can live our lives perfectly content inside the comfortable confines of our every day bubbles but if we push ourselves outside of our comfort zones and challenge ourselves, you just might see that your comfort zone stretches further than you ever imagined.

5)      Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.”  Sometimes it takes a group of complete strangers to remind of exactly who you are and make you feel like that person is better than the version of you that you are pretending to be.

6)      At the end of a task, you will feel a great sense of accomplishment knowing that you’ve completed something, but it is the journey as a whole that you took to get to that end result that was your greatest achievement. 

7)      Never let yourself be defined.  Constantly be surprising people with all the great things you will do.

I chose to write about this trip today because this morning I opened an email from my team leader from Habitat for Humanity New Zealand.  The email included journal entries from everyone on the trip and as I took a little stroll down memory lane while reading them, I realized I had to include this experience in my 12 days of Christmas countdown.  So I will end today’s 7th day of Christmas post with the 7 words of advice that lead me to Habitat and this amazing trip: Challenge What You Think You’re Capable Of.

8 Sorority Girls

There are periods of time in all our lives that will stand out when we look back on the experiences we’ve had.  For me, the time spent in my sorority in college definitely falls into that category.  There are a lot of wonderful things about Greek Life during your college years but for me, almost 8 years after graduation, the best part of having pledged a sorority has to be the 8 girls I still call my closest friends.  So today on the 8^th day of Christmas, I am thankful for my 8 sorority sisters who I could most definitely not live without.

I would say that you are extremely lucky if you have a group of friends that you know will always be a part of your life.  No matter what you do or where you go, these are the people who will still be there for you no matter what.  They share in the good times, listen to you cry when you need to, and pick you up during the bad times.  While you may not see them every day, they are the faces in picture frames in your house, the most called numbers in your cell phone, and the main characters in the stories you tell.  Good friends are important to have but great friends are an incredible gift.

2012 is actually going to be a huge year for our little group.  Several are getting married, some might be expanding their families, and others are facing some major life decisions.  It’s exciting to know that for every step of the way, we all be there to witness the greatness in each other’s lives.  So this Christmas, there may be some presents under your tree but don’t forget to say thank you for the greatest gift that you can get from someone and that is their friendship.

9 Year Olds

Sometimes it’s the smallest people that can make the biggest difference and most of them don't even know it.  So on this, the 9^th day of Christmas, I’m devoting my blog to 9 year olds thanks to my cousin Abby.

It was just after thanksgiving that I took a bus trip to New York City to go shopping with my cousins, my aunt and my mom.  New York City is a magical place.  It’s pretty much one of a kind and no other city does Christmas quite like New York.  No one does crowds quite like NYC either and on this particular day it was beyond crowded.  Personally I was dreading going up there.  I have been to New York hundreds of times and the truth is I can go whenever I want so the idea of going when everyone else in the world was flocking to it sounded like a time to avoid the city, especially the epicenter of it all, Times Square.  But even with all the reasons why I didn’t want to go, there was still one very important reason why I did want to go and that was Abby.

 As you get older, you start to see how much more there is to “The City” beyond the bright lights of Times Square, but as a kid there are no other parts of New York.  Times Square with its massive billboards, electricity, oversized stores, and street hustle and bustle is intoxicating.  Watching Abby throughout the day taking it all in with anticipation and excitement brought me back to a time when all I wanted to do was live in New York when I grew up.  Back then, going to New York was a treat, not a chore.  It was nice to remember why exactly I feel in love with that city so many years ago.

When I sat down to write today’s post, I wasn’t completely sure what to write.  A lot of different things swirled around in my head as I thought of what could be associated with the number 9 and when I thought of Abby and that particular day in New York, I knew what today’s message had to be.  I’ve said it before but so often our grown up eyes tend to see the downsides of life.  We focus on what went wrong or why we don’t want to do something.  We think with our heads because we have to make smart choices and decisions but sometimes, we should think about to what it felt like to be a kid.  Christmas is the perfect time to take a walk down memory lane.

Maybe you stayed up to wait for Santa or looked for reindeer on rooftops.  Think about making gingerbread houses covered in frosting or when you used to make all your gifts in art class.  Christmas, like most things, was just better when you were a kid.  It was uncomplicated and simple.  It was decorating trees, watching holiday movies, and everyone being together.  Just like Abby looking at New York with wide eyes and enthusiasm, we should look at the holidays as a wonderful time and tune out the overcrowded malls, extra traffic, and constant outpouring of money. 

10 Little Pick Me Ups

Today was a really crappy day.  I mean it was the kind of day that took sucked to a whole new level which left me really lacking the motivation to write something up beat and happy for my 10^th day of Christmas.  Even though my stress was work induced,  I thought about it and this time of year can often be an overwhelming time for people.  While the holidays are supposed to be a joyous season, sometimes they can leave us feeling a little less than holly jolly so why not devote my 10^th day of Christmas to my favorite pick me ups. 

A pick me up is something that can change your mood.  It’s a comfort when you need something enjoyable to balance out all the unpleasant things you came in contact with.  They are just your life’s little pleasures.  So in the words of the great Julie Andrews, “these are a few of my favorite things”, 10 of my favorite things to be exact:

1)      Quality time with good friends – there is nothing better than laughing when you need a laugh or venting when you just want to scream so having good friends around to be there can lift you out of your funk.

2)      Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream – I think this one explains itself J

3)      Country Music – There is just something relaxing and fun about country music that it’s hard to stay in a bad mood while you are listening to it.  Try to say miserable while listening to “Chicken Fried” by Zac Brown Band or “Red Solo Cup” by Toby Keith and I doubt it will be possible.

4)      Chinese food – it’s definitely not good for you but when you’re feeling down, sometimes you have to throw dietary caution into the wind and indulge.

5)      A “Go To” Movie – We all have those movies we could watch over and over again without ever getting sick of them.  They are movies that just make us smile or that we can get lost in leaving our problems behind us for a few hours.  For me it’s Serendipity and Center Stage.  Nothing like a RomCom about fate and good cheesy dance flick to lift your spirits.

6)      Manicures – Sometimes just doing something to pamper yourself can make all the bad stuff from the day melt away.

7)       US Weekly – This is a total guilty pleasure but trashy gossip magazines are a great way to see that other people have issues too. 

8)      Jump on a treadmill – I don’t love working out but when I’ve had a long day, sometimes there is nothing better than just sweating all the stress out of your body.  Running is a great way to clear your head.

9)      Get Comfy – It may be completely simple but when life gets to be too much, throw on that accent sweatshirt that you refuse to throw away because it is broken in so perfectly or those sweatpants that just feel so soft when you wear them.  It’s the simplest of pleasures that can change everything.  Light some candles, take a deep breath, and just enjoy the comfort. 

10)   Grab a cup of coffee – I love coffee and somehow it’s a caffeinated drink that has the ability to relax me and calm me down.  Tea can be a mood changer too.

So those are just ten simple pick me ups that work for me.  Hopefully if you having a rough day or holiday season, you will use some of these or be inspired to find some of your own to make things better.  It doesn’t always take a lot to turn a bad day into a better day.

11 Is All I Want For Christmas

I’ve said it before but 11 is a number that holds a very special place in my heart.  Not only are we in the year 2011 and 11 days away from Christmas but 11 is also the thing I want most this Christmas.  And I’m not talking about just any number 11.

If you haven’t noticed already, I’m a HUGE sports fan.  Some could call it an obsession, others might call it a sickness but ultimately I prefer to call it a hobby.  Hey, you might knit or exercise or read while I choose to spend my time catching highlights on Sportscenter, checking out the box scores, and watching the “big game”.  It all goes back to the old saying, to each their own.

Well, while I support many teams, hate several, and cheer for the always unexpected underdogs, there is one team that simply stands above the rest in my mind, the Philadelphia Phillies.  I absolutely love football, live for March Madness Basketball, and think hockey might be one of the most exciting sports to see in person but there is something so amazing about baseball.  Some games can be as exciting as watching paint dry while others can keep you on the edge of your seat.  You keep watching with the hope that you will catch one of those great games.  Ultimately, when the first pitch is thrown, you have no idea what kind of night it will be and for 9 innings, it can be anyone’s ball game.  The right pitch, a hot hitter, a pitcher that is in a zone, or an outfielder with a perfectly timed dive can make all the difference.  And it doesn’t hurt that playing from April to October is probably the best season for any sport to get.  So pretty much you get the point that I love baseball.

As exciting as the major league baseball season is, the off season can provide its own form of entertainment.  The other day I wrote a post about the signing of the 200 million dollar man, Albert Pujols and how building a winning baseball team is similar to building the best version of yourself.  I talked a little bit about creating clubhouse chemistry and how important that is to maintaining the balance for a team looking to succeed.  That’s why, this year all I want for Christmas is a short stop.  Jimmy Rollins to be exact. 

One of the reasons I love the Phillies is in fact Jimmy Rollins.  JRoll was one of the key members of the 2008 Phillies team that won the World Series, which was a time I will never forget.  It was a magical red October in 2008 that had every Phillies fan believing in what everyone else thought to be impossible.  The Brewers were too good for us to beat in the NLDS with Fielder and Braun and Hart on their side, the Dodgers were too powerful for us to beat in the NLCS, and finally, the Rays were an AL team with more talent than us but at the end of the month, it was the Phillies that proved to be better than the best.

 Over the years since that World Series, team members from that magical team have left the city of brotherly love behind.  Pat Burrell headed off to Tampa and eventually the bay area and another championship.  Jayson Werth rode down I-95 south to DC and a much larger paycheck.  Brett Meyers and JA Happ took their talents to Houston and Pedro Feliz is lost somewhere in the minor leagues.   Ultimately, all those players got into our hearts but we aren’t losing sleep over their departures.  Ok maybe Jayson Werth hurt a little but still there was an inevitable cloud hanging over the team.  One day, we would have to face a decision on the future of a core player, someone who we couldn’t picture playing in anything but red and white pinstripes and we all knew that 2011 would be that year for Mr. #11. 

As we wait to see what the fate of our shortstop will be, I put resign Jimmy Rollins at the top of my Christmas list and my 11^th day of Christmas post.  Sure the price has to be right and he is getting older but the idea of losing Jimmy and all his heart would break mine.  Last year the Phillies made it a Merry Cliffmas for me by bringing back Cliff Lee so this year I’m hoping for a little contract for JRoll under the tree.

12 O’clock Lunch Date

Well it's the twelfth day of Christmas and today I got to have a very special 12pm lunch date…with my grandma. 

A few months ago, my grandma left the home that she had lived in for over 30 years and moved into a retirement community.  It was a change that she had to make more so than one she wanted to make and it’s really been a difficult one for her.  Ultimately, I think it was the right move for her because I never really liked the idea of her being alone all the time but she might not agree with me if you asked her.  Well today was her Christmas luncheon and families were invited so I attended the function as her date.

This really isn’t a big thing to do because it’s something you should do for your family but as I looked around at some of the faces of the senior citizens who lived at the facility and didn’t have any one there to be their date, I felt horrible thinking how alone some of those people are.  It made me realize how blessed I am to have a good relationship with my grandma and so many wonderful people in my life that I came up with the perfect lesson to share in my blog today.

Maybe you have a senior citizen in your life or anyone really who might be alone this holiday season and could use a call or visit from you just to make them see that they really aren’t by themselves.  Life is tough at times and it’s even harder when you have to take all the pressure and responsibly on by yourself because you don’t have someone that can share that burden or that you can lean on.  No one is asking you to solve their problems but sometimes it's just nice to talk or in my case, have lunch.  So on this 12^th day of Christmas, I had a 12pm lunch date that will hopefully inspire you to go out and spend some of your time with someone who might need some company this holiday season.  Maybe even give them just 12 minutes J 

This Christmas

When it comes to Christmas, I have a typical shopping pattern.  I start out strong on Black Friday making several quality purchases and continue on my shopping high for the next couple weeks until I find myself pretty much done with most of the people on my list usually around mid December.  Then as I search for those more difficult people that you just never know what to buy for, I tend to spot all kinds of great gifts for people I’ve already finished, which I of course I purchase because maybe I didn’t get them enough.  By the time December 25^th rolls around, I’ve spent way more money than I wanted and grossly over bought for certain people.  Well this year I find myself at the beginning of my overbuying cycle and I’m determined to break through the madness this Christmas. 

Over the weekend, I realized I was done shopping.  Done, finished, over.  As of last night, I am finished wrapping too.  It’s only December 13^th.   This leaves me plenty of time to rethink purchases or just happen to see something else I have to get someone.  This is the most dangerous time of the year for me.  The odds of me avoiding malls or stores are pretty slim (shopping is my cardio) and the advertisements on TV and in magazines will always be enticing, so I’ve come up with a really great plan.  I’m going to divert my holiday focus from shopping to this blog (who’s excited now?!).

Ironically, tomorrow will be 12 days until Christmas so I’m giving myself a project.  For the next 12 days, I am going to write a blog post.  Let's call it my own version of the 12 days of Christmas.  Each day I will do something and write about it or recognize something or someone I’m thankful for in my life.  By doing this, I will keep myself busy and in turn save myself from my shopaholic tendencies.  They say the first step towards recovery is admitting you have a problem so let’s hope my little 12 step program keeps me from falling back into old habits.

“Christmas is as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts.” – Janice Maeditere

Cost vs. Worth

This week in sports, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim gave Albert Pujols a contact worth over $250 million dollars for the next ten years of his life. While the Angels came away with the top free agent prize of the MLB off season, they weren’t the only ones interested in capturing the St. Louis Cardinal’s prize possession. In fact, it was the Miami Marlins who were the first to come up with the idea of offering the aging first baseman a big money, long term contract but they eventually pulled out of the deal. Ultimately, both teams thought of Pujols as a high caliber player who would no doubt enhance their ball club but in the end it wasn’t the Angels vs. the Marlins but rather cost vs. worth that sealed the superstar’s fate.


It’s common practice to look at the ideas of cost and worth when it comes to economics. Cost is the price of something and worth is the value of that object to you. Basically, it all comes down to the question, is the value of the item worth the price that you have to pay for it? In regards to the aforementioned example, Albert Pujols is a lot of things including a great baseball player, a power hitter, a face of a franchise, and a potential savior for a struggling team but he is also 32 years old. In baseball years that makes him middle aged and heading towards the twilight of his spectacular career coasting down the road to retirement and his spot in Cooperstown. Ten years is a lot of time to invest in a player. In the end, ten years and millions of dollars is a worthwhile investment for an American League team and their ability to use a designated hitter but in the National League where there is no designated hitter option, the contract becomes much more of a gamble for an older player.

Ok, so now to my point. Just like every off season, baseball has once again become all about who’s going where and who’s going to get what. As I watched teams, one by one make the decision if the cost of a player is worth what the player in question will give them during the length of their contract, I started to really think more about ideas of cost and worth. Are you worth what you would cost?

Recently, I found myself in a cost vs. worth situation of my own. If you think about it, our lives are a lot like baseball. We are the ones managing our own franchises and it’s our responsibility to maintain our teams. It’s important to field a team full of players who will give you the best chance to win. One wrong player can destroy team chemistry. For me, I traded a player who was a club house cancer in a previous off season. Last I heard, he was thriving on his new team and even though my team was struggling for a while to find a replacement for this player, things were actually beginning to look up. Now the option to bring this person back onto my team has come up and I’m not really sure if the cost is worth it.

You see, this particular player would have a totally different function on the team this time around. He would be a much smaller piece to the overall make up of the organization but would he be happy with the diminished role he would have to play? And of course there was the question of how much his presence on the team would affect the great team chemistry I have right now.  If my past experience with this player taught me anything, it’s that he’s not a cheap gamble either. In the end, just like the Miami Marlins and Albert Pujols, I decided the cost of this player would not be worth it.

Sometimes you have to look at the hidden costs that people bring to the table. In their heyday, they may have been a great player but are they past their prime? Can someone transition to a new position to be a team player or will they always hang on to what was just because they consider themselves to be superstar status? In the game of life, we are always looking to win the series, hoist the trophy and call ourselves the world champions and that means we have to be careful who we allow to play with us. So draft your players wisely, pursue worthwhile free agents, make your trades, and let’s get ready to play ball because a new season is just around the corner.

"Life will always throw you curves, just keep fouling them off...the right pitch will come, but when it does, be prepared to run the bases." - Rick Maksian

Wherever Life Takes Me

Ok so pretty much you’ve gotten the picture that I do believe a year can change you.  If you commit to it, you can be different or at least get yourself to a better place.  I think I’m in the best place possible right now simply because I am happy where I’m at, however, I do believe that even though you reach a certain point, you have to continue to evolve as time goes on. So with that being said, I go back to my inevitable question: What happens now?

Now that I’ve reached the end of my year long journey, what do I do next?  Personally I know that I will keep evolving but do I keep writing about it?  Or maybe I should just work on doing things my own without putting it all out there?  And of course there is the idea of setting another goal and changing my focus.  So many options to choose from!

Well after a lot of thought, I’ve decided on this.  I’m going to keep going and I’m going keep writing about it without any restrictions or deadlines or major goals.  The theme will be the same but I’m just going to keep moving forward and the life take me where it may.  I will still be working to be the best version of myself and striving to achieve the things I want to but I’m doing it more as a way of life rather than a goal to achieve now.   Whatever happens and whatever comes my way is what you’ll see.

I decided to do this because this past year has been exciting and I wouldn’t mind having another one like that but I’m not the same person I was a year ago so repeating the same process is kind of counterproductive.  As I thought about what I could do next, I couldn’t help but see that I had so much in the works already.   In this upcoming year, I and most of my friends will turn twenty ten and embark on a whole new decade of our lives.  I am in three weddings, have 5 trips on the calendar already, and I am taking on more than I’ve ever had at work including several new duties that are allowing me to gain experience and new skills in areas I’ve never been involved in.  I have so many things that I still want to go for and that I would like to do that I don’t see why I should stop recording it.  Periodically, I will check in with where I’m at and at any point if I feel I’m done, I’m done but for now, I’m not quite there yet.  

Overall it looks like there are a lot of great things coming down the road for me so if you want to continue to follow where I end up, then keep reading.  And if you don’t then thanks for following my journey thus far.  I hope that your life is everything you want it to be and not what “they” tell you it should be.  If it’s not, then use me as motivation to get there.   Throw your plan out the window and start seeing how amazing life can be without any expectations holding you down.

"Well, life's like a road that you travel on, there's one day here and the next day gone.  Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand, sometimes you turn your back to the wind.  There's a world outside every darkened door, where blues won't haunt you anymore.  For the brave and free and lovers soar, come ride with me to the distant shore.  We won't hesitate, to break down the guarding gate.  There's not much time left today." - Life is a Highway, Rascal Flatts

In Conclusion

So I’ve reiterated where I started, told you where I’ve been, and today I want to go back to the question at hand: can 365 days change your life?  As I sit here thinking about the person I was a year ago, I can safely say that 365 days can make a difference...if you want it to.

They say whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and last November I was beaten, battered, and bruised but I wasn’t dead yet.  A year ago, I wasn’t happy with who I was.  I wasn’t happy with the life I was living.  The overall theme to my story was that I wasn’t happy and no matter how hard I tried to get myself to that place, I couldn’t quite make it happen.  It felt like everything I wanted was constantly out of reach and I was stuck where I was rather than moving forward.  I was sinking last year, and had been for several years, and as the quick sand got higher and higher, I found myself desperately grasping for anything to keep me afloat. 

At this time last year, I realized that I had let things knock me down and I was just passively lying there waiting for things to get better on their own.  That was probably my biggest mistake because if you want to change anything about your life or yourself, you have to take control and commit to doing it.  This year was all about finding that strength to get back up and get better than I’ve ever been before.  I realized that the reason I couldn’t change was because I was still hanging on to too many things, several without even really knowing it.  I wasn’t open to finding happiness outside what I thought was going to make me happy until I asked myself the question, why are these the only things that are going to make me happy?  Am I doing things because I want to or because someone else or society tells me that’s what’s expected of me?  What happens if you throw out your perfect plan, the pretty picture of what you thought you would have when you grew up and started to find all the things you never knew you always wanted?   Everything I had been through had brought me to that current unhappy state and last year, I felt like it was curse but now I can see that it was more of a blessing.

I said that 365 days can change you but if you are so set in your ways or your wants, how can you change?  You have to let change happen, without expectations and just be open to whatever comes your way and be willing to take all of it, good, bad, and otherwise as a learning experience. 

Without plans or expectations, you can’t feel like a failure because there is no barometer to measure whether or not you lived up to anything.  At the end of the day, the only way to measure success is if you are happy and this year has been one of the best of my life.   I can 100% say that I am happy.  So in conclusion that makes my little experiment a success.

“I feel it, I see it, I know it, life is getting better all the time.” – Life Is Getting Better by Javier Colon

To Be Continued...

The other day, my cousin said to me, “Hey, I hear you stopped your blog.”  I will admit, it’s been a little while since I’ve posted but it’s not for lack of writing.

Shortly after my last post, I wrote another one.  It was pretty much a recap to what was a wonderful 365 day period in my life.  Overall, the journey was more about the path to get to the destination than the final product itself but instead of posting that piece, I saved it to my computer.  I put post to my blog on my to do list every day since and every day, I find myself unable to post it simply because I’m not sure where to go next.

You see, I’ve said it before and I will say it again, but the purpose of this blog was to make me really commit to becoming who I wanted to be and in hindsight, this was definitely my year.  But even though that might address the issue of 365 days being able to change your life, it still leaves me with the inevitable question, what now?

As I stand at that crossroad with several different options in front of me, I find myself still conflicted as to where I go from here, however, I can say one thing and that is that I’m not quite done yet.  Whether I end this site here, keep going documenting my life, or continue moving forward on my own, I know that I will be doing it as the best version of myself which is what I ultimately set out to accomplish this year.  My status is to be determined but regardless of where I take this journey and this blog, I can safely say that it has taken me above and beyond anywhere I thought it would at this time last year. 

So for now, my orginial goal is complete but my journey is to be continued...

Where I've Been

Now that we discussed where I started, let’s talk about where I’ve been.  Over the past year, I’ve really attempted to commit myself to this project.  I’ve tried to push myself and challenge myself and ultimately focusing on setting myself up to be in the right place for success.

This year I’ve talked a lot about putting myself first and going for things.  I’ve written about friendship issues and relationship problems.  I’ve related current events to my overall goals and shared my interests and passions.  I’ve even gotten on my soap box to voice my opinions on various topics.  Ultimately everything I’ve put out there in this blog has simply been coming back to the same common goal and that was to create a life and environment where I could be the best version of myself.  However, actions speak louder than words and even though I could write about a topic, I knew I had to make sure that I was living it as well.

So I started doing.  I reevaluated my friendships and eliminated those that I felt weren’t giving back what I was giving or were bringing me down.  I had to make sure that I surrounded myself with the right people and stopped stressing out over the wrong ones.  I cut ties with toxic past romantic relationships and freed myself from the haunting presence that they had left behind in my life.  I realized the reason those people didn’t work out wasn’t because of what I did wrong or what I could have done but rather just that they weren’t what I wanted, no matter how much I tried to make them be.  You can’t force a puzzle together and that’s what I was trying to do.  I had to see that these issues weren’t just lingering in my past but they were also impacting my future so until I came to terms with the truth, I wasn’t going to be able to move on and find someone who fit me.

As cheesy as it sounds I worked really hard to change my frame of mind.  I had to believe in myself more.  I had to reestablish the confidence in myself that I once had but that had been stripped away over the years.  I found a whole new sense of focus and was able to keep pulling myself back to where I needed to be when I drifted off course.  I eliminated doubt and fear as my initial reactions and started seeing every stage in life and every day as a new opportunity.  I stopped holding things and feelings in and said the things I needed to say regardless of the outcome.  I tried to make improved decisions overall and fuse the thoughts from my heart and my head together to make better choices.  I am no longer afraid of things changing or coming to an end because I fully believe that I can handle anything life throws at me, not just the familiar. 

And as I worked on my mental state and my environment, I made sure that I was also gaining experience along the way.  I gained new skills through practice and classes and worked hard to purse my interests and use my talents.  I took trips, did volunteer work, stepped outside of my comfort zone, and tried to check things off my ultimate life list.  In the end, I wanted to make sure this year would be one that I will define by the things I did do rather than one I will regret because of things I didn’t do.

“20 years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do rather than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover." - Mark Twain

The Starting Line

Well my 365 day deadline has come and gone and I’m sure you were expecting to hear from me on 11.11.11.  The real truth is that it’s taken me a few days to evaluate myself and make some other critical decisions regarding this whole thing.  So in reflection on this journey I’ve been on, here goes…

 At the beginning of this blog, I wanted to see if you truly pushed yourself for 365 days, could you make one year really count and can it ultimately change you.  I started this blog to keep myself on the path towards taking back control of my own life and ultimately hold myself to doing the things I wanted to.   I realized that I wasn’t happy with how my life was going and only I had the power to change that. 

There were several reasons for my unhappiness but it pretty much came down to these few things.  First off, I was holding on to an idea or plan that wasn’t working out for me and instead of amending that plan or embracing all the things that were happening for me, I was wallowing in the failure of my original life timeline.  Secondly, I felt like I was just going through the basic motions of living rather than really experiencing life and I didn’t want to let the time slip away while I collected coulda, woulda, shoulda’s.  Finally, I wasn’t really living my life for me.  I felt like I was always living based on someone else’s rules and not really writing any of my own.

So that’s where I started.  I decided that I had to strive for changes in three different areas if I really wanted to make the most out of my year.  In order to enjoy the life I was living instead of mourning the one I thought I would have, I had to let go of the things that I was holding on.  The biggest of those things was my original plan.  It’s nice to think that you can predict what you want out of life and when it is going to happen but if it doesn’t go that way, are you a failure?  The truth is that you are not.  When I looked at my life, I could clearly see that I was not where I thought would be at this stage of it but that didn’t mean what I had wasn’t amazing in its own way.  I was blaming myself for things not working out how I had hoped but all I had to do was change my point of view to see the bigger picture.  As I looked at what I did have a little deeper, I started to realize that I wouldn’t have had all these things if my original plan had taken shape.  Now I’m not saying that I’ve given up wanting certain things but I’m choosing to enjoy every day of my life as it is rather than wishing it could be some other way. 

In regards to gaining more experience in my life, I wanted to stop letting all the reasons why not keep me from doing this and start embracing the reasons why to go for it.  There will always be reasons not to do things but if we let them define out whole lives, we will miss out on truly living.  So I set out on a quest for unexpected adventures.  Instead of just talking about doing things, I started doing them.  I’ve equated it time and time again to jumping off a cliff and this year, I jumped and enjoyed the fall.

Finally, in order to write my own rules, I had to grow into the person I wanted to be.  I had to stop seeing myself in the eyes of others and start seeing me clearly in my own reflection.  For so long, I let the opinions of the people in my life define me.  Whether it was boyfriends who weighed in on my appearance or choose to point out my inadequacies, friends or family who provided me with specific ideas on how I should be living, or others around me who managed to get in my head, I was allowing too many people to impact who I was becoming.  I needed to change that in hope of figuring out my life and my own role in this world.  I had to release the hold that some of these people had on me that kept me to thinking that I was falling short of their expectations.   I had to make sure I knew that the only opinion that mattered was mine and I had to start focusing and competing only with myself.   By doing all this, I was able to see that maybe I was looking at a lot of people and situations with rose colored glasses.  I was giving them a lot of power by taking their opinions and comments to heart when really it was never a case of me coming up short but rather just different people wanting different things.   No one is going to live this life for me so why did I want to live it according to someone else?

So there you have it.  I guess you could call it the why or the beginning or the foundation but I’m going to say this was simply the starting line…

"Thought I had it all figured out, turns out I was only starting over.  Back to one, take two, on the count of three I'm starting over." - Starting Over by Tony Lucca

We Are...?

They say that no news is good news, which unfortunately means bad news is news and over the past few days, I’ve watched something I’ve loved longer than practically anything else in my life get swept up in a tornado of it.   In the eyes of a nation, Penn State’s pristine reputation of tradition with honor is resting in peace in the wake of the horrific acts of a few people associated with its iconic football program.  I am appalled and shocked that something like this could happen in a place I once called home.  Today, I find myself feeling sorry for the victims of this tragedy, including one that many are overlooking, Penn State University. 

 I read an article earlier that said Penn State is dead.  As with every death, respect needs to be paid so I’ve written an obituary for my fallen friend:

 Here lies the remains of a place called Happy Valley.  On Tuesday afternoon, November 8^th after a brief battle with a shocking scandal, the 156 year old university died due to complications of tarnished honor.   Over the years, Penn State University welcomed hundreds of thousands of students through the doors of its buildings, let them live in its dorm rooms, study on its grassy quads, and wear its traditional blue and white logos.  Today, that is all just a memory of what was.  Now as you stare out into the center of what used to be the campus, the nationally registered historical place known as Old Main, has fallen and is nothing more than a pile of rubble left behind in the aftermath.  The impact of the untimely demise of the collegiate organization is being felt around the world tonight.  CEO’s of corporations are ousted, actors are being recast, and award winning journalists have seen their last bi-lines all because they bare the title “Penn Stater”.  Olympians are being stripped of their medals and Hall of Fame athletes are having their legacies erased from the record books.  All of the soldiers and military personal that were a product of the university’s ROTC program were dismissed in disgrace.   The initiative to rid the world of childhood cancer took a substantial hit when the Penn State Milton S. Hershey Medical Center closed its doors and the Four Diamonds fund shut down its operations leaving the families of the cancer patients completely unsupported.  Classes have been cancelled, transcripts thrown out, and students turned away without a college degree.  Teachers are rushing to the unemployment lines in hope of salvaging the remains of their careers.  Degree certificates presented to graduates are being recalled and destroyed.   Discredited professionals who are alumni of the school are seeing their careers evaporate in the wake of this tragedy.  Scientists abandoned their research, architects are watching their buildings fall, and doctors have been thrown out of hospitals.  State College, the little town located in the middle of the state of Pennsylvania is left as empty as the vacated ghost towns seen in old western movies.  Memorial services will be held Saturday, November 12^th at 12pm in Beaver Stadium.  In lieu of flowers please wear white in memory of the fallen.  Penn State is survived only by three men and the horrible crimes that they have committed. 

Well there you go.  I’d say it’s a pretty fitting farewell for the victim of a senseless tragedy.  For those of you reading this who think I might be taking it to an extreme, think again.  The reporters have said it.  The experts have weighed in with their opinions.   Penn State is over, finished, deceased, right?  I guess the only thing left to say here is, WE ARE…NOT DEAD!! 

As ridiculous as that obituary is, I wrote it to prove that when all is said and done, Penn State is bigger than even this scandal.  I am positive that Old Main will be still be standing and I am certain that Penn State will be too. Yes the situation is appalling, yes the men in question and their crimes are ghastly, and yes I am completely in support of them getting exactly what they deserve in regards to punishment but can the horrific actions of a few discredit an entire institution, wipe out legacies, and destroy careers?  Maybe for those particular individuals but what about all the other people who call themselves Penn Staters?  I am a Penn Stater.  I had absolutely nothing to do with any of this but all the sudden I am supposed hang my head in shame for the deplorable crimes that were committed because the piece of paper hanging on the wall of my hallway says that I am a graduate of The Pennsylvania State University and therefore associated with their indiscretions.  Should I turn in my t-shirts, pack up my memorabilia, and turn my back on a place I once called home? 

Yes I know that Penn State is a college town with a football problem but on a daily basis it is so much more than just a legendary coach with a storied football program.  Even in the midst of this current time of controversy, it is still more that a former assistant coach whose actions were completely depraved and two disgraced university employees that let him get away with it.  Sure that might be the big story but as every national media outlet in the country flocks to the often unnoticed Central Pennsylvania town, I can’t help but think where were they when the largest student run philanthropy in the world raised almost ten million dollars to fight childhood cancer?  The camera’s have made the names Sandusky, Curley, and Schultz known around the nation but I guarantee you will find few people who know what THON is.   Too bad good news = no news. 

They say whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and we aren’t going down like this.  So stop sending your condolences to the Penn Staters around you because we won't be resting in peace anytime soon.  We're still standing and in the end, Penn State University will be survived by the people who loved it and respected it, not the ones who disgraced it.  I grew up a Penn Stater.  Tomorrow I will still be a Penn Stater.   WE ARE...PENN STATE!

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stand in moments of comfort and convinence but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." Martin Luther King Jr.

Beautiful People

The other day I got what might have been the best compliment of my entire life.  Someone who barely knew me called me a beautiful person inside and out.  He wasn’t hitting on me, he had nothing to gain by paying me this praise, and he didn’t want anything from me in return for his kind words.  Pretty much he just made a observation based on the time we spent togther but one I’ve secretly been waiting for my entire life.

I’ve said it before but for a long time I struggled with not being good enough, not pretty enough, not talented enough, and basically just not enough.  While the world may have seen me completely differently, that’s how I saw myself.  This past year I decided to stop telling myself that I wasn’t enough and started telling myself I was.  More importantly, I blocked out all those people who helped contribute to my feelings of inadequacy.  I just started trying to be the best person I could be based on the type of person I wanted to be.  I will never be model beautiful or the smartest girl in the room.  There may always be someone more gifted than I am or more caring but I at the end of the day, no one else gets to be me and that’s exactly who I want to be because that’s someone worth knowing. 

After that compliment, I was a little taken back.  No one has ever said that to me, especially not lately and it wasn’t that I needed the self-esteem boost but I have to say it was nice to hear.  It’s easy to tell someone you think they are attractive or physically beautiful but there is so much more to people that often gets over shadowed by the exterior.  I want to be a beautiful person in all aspects of my person and it was satisfying to know that someone saw me in that light. 

So I got to thinking about all the beautiful people in my life and how I’ve never told them how truly gorgeous I think they are in every sense of the word.  Why is it that we are always willing to tell someone if they look bad in an outfit or are making a fool of themselves but we don’t tell them how truly great they are for simply being who they are?  Sometimes a few kind words are just that to one person but mean the world to another.

"Don’t throw on all that make-up for me.  There ain’t a single part of you I wouldn’t want to see.  You see make-up only makes up for what’s lacking on the inside and you ain’t lacking babe.” – Honestly for You, Tony Lucca