Where I've Been

Now that we discussed where I started, let’s talk about where I’ve been.  Over the past year, I’ve really attempted to commit myself to this project.  I’ve tried to push myself and challenge myself and ultimately focusing on setting myself up to be in the right place for success.

This year I’ve talked a lot about putting myself first and going for things.  I’ve written about friendship issues and relationship problems.  I’ve related current events to my overall goals and shared my interests and passions.  I’ve even gotten on my soap box to voice my opinions on various topics.  Ultimately everything I’ve put out there in this blog has simply been coming back to the same common goal and that was to create a life and environment where I could be the best version of myself.  However, actions speak louder than words and even though I could write about a topic, I knew I had to make sure that I was living it as well.

So I started doing.  I reevaluated my friendships and eliminated those that I felt weren’t giving back what I was giving or were bringing me down.  I had to make sure that I surrounded myself with the right people and stopped stressing out over the wrong ones.  I cut ties with toxic past romantic relationships and freed myself from the haunting presence that they had left behind in my life.  I realized the reason those people didn’t work out wasn’t because of what I did wrong or what I could have done but rather just that they weren’t what I wanted, no matter how much I tried to make them be.  You can’t force a puzzle together and that’s what I was trying to do.  I had to see that these issues weren’t just lingering in my past but they were also impacting my future so until I came to terms with the truth, I wasn’t going to be able to move on and find someone who fit me.

As cheesy as it sounds I worked really hard to change my frame of mind.  I had to believe in myself more.  I had to reestablish the confidence in myself that I once had but that had been stripped away over the years.  I found a whole new sense of focus and was able to keep pulling myself back to where I needed to be when I drifted off course.  I eliminated doubt and fear as my initial reactions and started seeing every stage in life and every day as a new opportunity.  I stopped holding things and feelings in and said the things I needed to say regardless of the outcome.  I tried to make improved decisions overall and fuse the thoughts from my heart and my head together to make better choices.  I am no longer afraid of things changing or coming to an end because I fully believe that I can handle anything life throws at me, not just the familiar. 

And as I worked on my mental state and my environment, I made sure that I was also gaining experience along the way.  I gained new skills through practice and classes and worked hard to purse my interests and use my talents.  I took trips, did volunteer work, stepped outside of my comfort zone, and tried to check things off my ultimate life list.  In the end, I wanted to make sure this year would be one that I will define by the things I did do rather than one I will regret because of things I didn’t do.

“20 years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do rather than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover." - Mark Twain