Adjusting Your Game Plan

So my posts lately have been a little few and far between because for the first time I’m really questioning this whole process. I’ve had a lot of barriers blocking my way recently and it got me thinking that maybe I can’t change myself or my life no matter how much I want to.


I’ve been feeling a bit down on myself and this whole project especially since I feel like I’ve really put in the blood, sweat and tears to make things happen and still I’m stuck on the hamster wheel running round and round in circles moving nowhere. But tonight I realized that maybe it’s not what I’m doing but how I’m doing it that is the problem.

My uncle has this story about my cousin when he was playing lacrosse that he told tonight that brought me back to where I need to be. Basically, Sean was playing in a lacrosse game his senior year in high school and a player on the opposing team kept running down the field and scoring on Sean’s team over and over again with the same exact play. After 6 goals, Sean caught on and when that particular player tried to use the same move the seventh time, he stepped in a stopped him.

I know this story doesn’t sound like much but a real athlete or competitor doesn’t just stop or feel sorry for themselves when things aren’t working for them but rather they adjust their offense or change their defense to make sure the opposing team doesn’t keep scoring on them. In the end, I want this project to be successful so maybe I need to figure out what it is that is standing in my way and learn how to make the adjustments needed to get past those obstacles and score.

"I have everything to lose by not getting up to fight.  I might get used to giving up, so I'm showing up tonight." - Go One More by Superchick

Live Throws You Curves.

In the Rascal Flatts song These Days, there is a line that says, “Life throws you curves, but you learn to swerve” and I think that’s a pretty good summary of life.  Things contantly don’t end up going the way we expect them to so we keep trying to figure out how to maneuver when life doesn’t go according to plan.  Usually, it's about dealing with the less than idea hand that we've been dealt but every once in a while you hit a bend in the road that seems to throw you for a loop at first but leaves you wondering, why you ever thought you would want things any differently.

Sometimes things sneak up on you.  They surprise you when you least expect it.  Two months ago, I wrote a post about my volleyball team and I realized early on that I was in for a LONG season.  I really thought that if I made it to the end of the season without breaking down, I would consider myself lucky.  Now here I am, 8 weeks later and another season has come to an end but I couldn’t be further from that initial feeling.  I never expected that this team, the one that seemed like such a challenge and at times a punishment, would be a team that I am honored to be a part of. 

Six years ago, I started coaching because I wanted to make a difference, wanted to teach something, and above all else, I wanted to ensure that whomever I coached had fun.  I’ve been very fortunate to have some wonderful teams and get to work with some great kids.  I had always considered coaching to be one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done in my life but somewhere along the line, I got away from that feeling and it started feel like it was more of a burden than a pleasure. Then this team came along and I thought I might have just worn out my welcome and stayed a little too long at the party because coaching just wasn’t fun anymore it.  It was exhausting trying to get people to show up, annoying having to go to games where we would forfeit, and frustrating feeling like I was more of a babysitter this year than ever. 

On Sunday we played a playoff game.  I went into the gym that night expecting nothing but left it after playing a game that I will never forget.  I had never seen a team play with more heart and desire to win.  They supported each other and left everything they had on the court.  It was like living in a real life sports movie where the underdog comes from out of nowhere to do the unexpected and become a champion.  In the end, we came up short but we fought for every point and battled for every second of that game.  Usually when I lose a game, I get a disappointed feeling and I second guess the choices I made, wondering what I could have done to change the outcome, but not this time.  I didn’t have any regrets or after thoughts.  I gave it the best shot that I could and I couldn’t have asked for anything more from my team than what they gave me.  I don’t think there has been a moment in all my years of coaching where I have been more proud of a team than I was after that game.  This team brought me back to remembering why I loved coaching so much in the first place.

After the game, I looked around at all their faces and even though they were disappointed, I could tell that the experience they just had would be one they would always remember.  As much as I hope that one day they look back and remember me as someone who made a difference in their lives, I hope they know that I will always remember them as people who made a difference in mine.  I didn’t expected this feeling but then again I never expected this team.

I went into this season thinking that this time of my life had past it's prime but once again life threw me a curve.  I needed this season and this team, more than I could have realized prior to now.   Sometimes the curves or the surprises in life can be even better than following the straight ahead path.   We all have to learn to swerve but when we do, we might just find ourselves driving along an expected road which can lead to amazing things.  We might just find something that we've been looking for. 

"I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn, and we are led.  To those who help us most to grow, if we let them, and we help them in return.  Well, I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know I'm who I am today, because I knew you" - Wicked

Day Dreamin'

“You had a dream.  When you were 8, it was adorable.  When you were 18, it was inspiring.  At 28 it’s officially embarrassing and I just want you to stop before we get to heartbreaking.” – Morning Glory (Movie)

I put a quote at the end of every post to finish it off but occasionally I hear something that inspires the post such as the quote above.  This particular quote is from the movie Morning Glory with Rachel McAdams, who plays Becky Fuller, a struggling television producer in her late 20’s with too little experience and no one willing to give her the chance to gain some.  The saying above is from the beginning of the movie where McAdams’ character is discussing her recent lay off with her mother who gives her some not so comforting advice.

I don’t know what it was about this particular line in the movie, but I couldn’t stop playing it over and over in my head.  When did we suddenly become too old to dream?  This all made me think of a guy I once knew and I have to say, when it came to him, I sounded a lot like Becky’s mom in the quote above.  I met this particular person when he was in his late 20’s and got to know him briefly but I did find out that he had a very lofty dream to become a professional basketball player.  I will admit that while he was a great player, he went to a small college so he didn’t get the kind of exposure he needed to make it to the NBA.  A few other opportunities to play on lower levels came and went for him but he still kept working towards this goal.  He played in local men’s leagues and spent his days working out at open gyms at local colleges while the rest of his peers had traded in their Nikes for business suits and spent their days in offices.  Personally, I thought this guy was delusional.  What was he going to be, a thirty year old rookie?  With each passing day he was getting older and the game was definitely taking a toll on him physically but he still kept going in spite of his dream passing him by.

I don’t know what ever happened to this guy but I’m pretty positive he didn’t end up in the NBA, however, when a dream doesn’t work out, do we just stop dreaming?    I think as we grow, we watch our talents and skills grow with us.  We discover the things that we truly excel at and new dreams develop along the way.  Sure maybe you realized the limitations of your athletic prowess and the days of becoming a professional athlete are long behind you but why can’t that dream evolve into something different?  Why can’t it become something equally as great?

The Kindness Of Strangers

According to the dictionary, stranger is defined as one who is strange.  Strange can mean a lot of things such as weird or unordinary or simply unfamiliar.  When we were younger, we were taught not to accept things from strangers or not to talk to them.  Every day, the news is filled with headlines of children being abducted by strangers or someone being killed by a stranger for no specific reason than they happened to be at the wrong place, at the wrong time.  Ultimately, all these things have caused us to be very skeptical of those we don’t know but what happens when you come across someone unfamiliar who wants nothing more than to be nice?

Yesterday, while driving through Maryland, I stopped at a rest stop.  I was in desperate need of caffeine to combat the lack of sleep I had gotten the night before so I jumped at the opportunity to hit a Starbucks.  About 5 seconds after getting in line, an older gentleman, who took the spot behind me, tapped me on my shoulder and said, “Excuse me miss but today is your lucky day.”  When he uttered those words, my first thought was oh god, please don’t be creepy.  He continued on, “I’m a bus driver and I get whatever I order here for free.  I am just getting a cup of coffee so get whatever you would like is free of charge.”  Ok due to life experience, I have learned that there is no such thing a free lunch so I was extremely skeptical that something was not quite right here.  But after only a few minutes of small talk, we both ordered our coffees and went our separate ways with nothing more than a hand shake and a thank you. 

I walked to my car thinking two things.  One, I felt badly for having been so cynical in regards to this nice man’s intentions.  Second, I couldn’t believe that something so selfless had just happened.  This man didn’t know me.  He could have walked into that Starbucks, gotten his coffee, and gone right back to his bus without so much as uttering a word to anyone but he was nice enough to make a generous offer to a total stranger.  I didn’t do anything to deserve his kindness but I was very thankful for it.

While this may sound a bit godfatheresque, usually if someone does us a favor, they will expect that favor to be returned one day.  Yesterday, I was the recipient of a favor that can never be paid back. The chances of me seeing that nice bus driver again are slim to none and more likely to be the latter so I will never get the opportunity to return his kindness but I can enjoy the moment and pass on the good fortune because it’s not mine to keep.  Instead of paying it back, I can pay it forward. 

Later that night, I had a volleyball game to coach.  After the game, my players decided they wanted to go to Taco Bell down the street to get food.  One of them asked me if he could have two dollars so that he could get something at the restaurant.  Normally, I wouldn’t be able to give him anything because I rarely carry cash on me but I happened to have some in my wallet.  As I handed him the money, I thought about how that was probably the $2 I would have spent on my coffee at the rest stop and this was my chance to keep the chain of generosity going. 

Someday I hope you all get the chance to be the recipient of a totally selfless act like I was and no matter how big or small it might be, I hope you too can pay it forward.  That gentleman from the rest stop taught me a very important life lesson, which is that good deeds are about more than what we will get in return for doing them.  In fact, maybe they have nothing to do with us at all.  Sometimes, it’s just about going through life and putting some good karma out there for someone who might need it, in hope that they will one day do the same for someone else.  Sure the free coffee didn't change my life but it definitely made my day, which is enough of a reason for me to try to give someone else the same feeling.

"Together we can change the world, one good deed at a time." - Unknown

Live A Little

I think it’s safe to say that most of the time, people will turn down last minute invitations to events.  Sometimes it’s because you already have other plans and sometimes it might be just because of the short notice.  Then there are those times that a just around the corner opportunity comes your way and you check your calendar only see that you have the date wide open so you think to yourself, why not?

Well this week, I had a why not moment.  An unexpected invitation came my way earlier this week for this weekend and instantly a million things ran through my mind.  I should save the money.  Gas is getting really expensive.  I was just away last weekend.  I’ve been so tired this week so maybe I should catch up on sleep.  I have the early volleyball game Sunday so I’ll have to pick up the gym key that morning.  Overall, there were so many reasons why I shouldn’t just hop in the car and take off on Saturday but none of them could trump the one major reason I should go and that was that I wanted to.  For once, I had nothing scheduled, this trip wasn’t planned, and I could either sit around getting the full $10 worth out of my Netflix membership or I could just go. 

I’ve talked a lot about not always worrying about planning every single thing you do or every aspect of your life and once again I come back to that idea.  Just because something isn’t marked down on a calendar weeks in advance, doesn’t mean it will be any less exciting or fun.  Just because you got a text the week of versus an official evite a month before, doesn’t mean that you should turn down the invitation based on principle.  If you do, let me know how much fun you and principle have spending a Saturday night together. 

95% of our lives will be lived plotted out and organized but hopefully that other 5% will be spent just living your life for the moment.  Some of the best things in life can be totally spontaneous.  My Ipod is load with new songs, my bags are packed, and my gas tank is full.  I’m going to go…enjoy your “plans” for the weekend!

“I need to live a little, have some fun.  Take some time, waste it on number one.” – Kenny Chesney

Winning and Losing

To say I’m a very competitive person is a gross understatement. I have the ability to make everything a competition, even when it really doesn’t need to be. At times, this trait can be a big asset. In sports, a competitive fire can propel you to victory or in business it can give you that extra drive needed to gain an edge over others that may want the positions or opportunities that you want. Competitive people are trained to win. They are constantly seeking out the number one spot and will do whatever it takes to come out on top. However, just as it can be a positive, being overly competitive can be a detriment as well.


In life, sometimes it’s not always a competition and even when it is, sometimes no matter how much you want something or work for something, you might just lose. Maybe you got rejected from the college you wanted to go to or the boy you thought you were meant to be with chooses someone else. Maybe you didn’t get the dream job or someone beats you out for that promotion at work. All of these things don’t necessarily make us losers but they do allow us to see what it’s like to be on the defeated side of things. If we win every game we play, we will always expect to win and become numb to the great feeling of accomplishment that comes with the thrill of victory.

As a competitor, I don’t deal well with losing but this year I feel like I’ve gotten a very value lesson in learning to deal with not being the best. Typically, mediocre is a word that I would never associate with myself and definitely not a category that I would want to be grouped into but what if we need to have mediocre moments to really appreciate the times we achieve greatness? Over the past few months, I’ve lost the battles for boys, the fights for professional opportunities, and I’ve even had my first losing volleyball season ever (including the 4 years I played and the 6 I’ve coached). I will admit that every time you lose, it stings but I’m realizing that when I finally do win, it will be a great feeling. When I finally get the guy or the next opportunity for success comes along, I will be able to really value it because it wasn’t easy to come by.

“Win as if you were used to it, lose as if you enjoyed it for a change.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Past Our Prime?

This past weekend I was invited to attend a wedding in State College, PA and as I made my return to Happy Valley, I kept thinking that no matter how much I love that place, it will always bring back the past.  Every inch of that town is filled with memories.  Everywhere I turn, something reminds me of another time in my life. 

Ironically, my Friday ended with my return to Penn State but it started with a conversation with someone who was such a big part of my PSU life.  As I spent about an hour catching my with my college boyfriend, we reminisced about days gone by and he mentioned something that really seemed to stick with me.  In short, he referred to those days as our prime which made me wonder, did we peak already?  Are our best days behind us?  Are we, dare I say it, past our prime?

Maybe you were in the best shape of your life in high school or college.  Maybe you were the most successful in your early 20’s or you reached your athletic prime during your little league days, but like a fine wine, shouldn’t we get better with age?  As much as I loved my time in college and the person I was back then, I’m ok to leave that girl back in State College.  That time in my life was great but I’m fairly confident that the best is yet to come.

Make Me Out To Be The Bad Guy

When dealing with people, no one wants to be the bad guy.  Everyone wants to be the hero or beloved but inevitably at some point, we will all be forced to man up and say or do the things that will not necessarily make us very popular.

A few months ago, I was forced to make a decision that needed to be made in regards to my relationship with a person I had known for a very long time.  I will admit that I had been half torn and half avoiding the moment to truth with this person for a long time, maybe even too long, but the time had come to deal with it once and for all.  

The back story is that this guy and I had a relationship a long time ago and the idea of reviving that relationship had come up from occasionally over the years but ultimately, we never ended up bringing the situation back to life.  This particular person should have been perfect for me.  He possessed many of the qualities and attributes that I wanted in a boyfriend but the two of us as a couple just never seemed to feel quite right.  To me, while I enjoyed spending time with him, the girl and guy who had been in that relationship seemed like people we knew in another lifetime.  I did still care about him but I didn’t have stronger feelings than that.  So when asked point blank if I saw us as anything more, I decided it was time to be a big girl and tell him the truth, which was no.

Of course, just as I have the right to feel the way I feel about him, he has the right to react in any way he would like to after hearing the news and in this case, I haven’t heard from him since.  I know that inevitably I will come face to face with him and the aftermath of the choice I made, probably sooner rather than later, but I am confident in my decision.  I want nothing but the best for him but I think it would be unfair to him as well as to myself to pretend that us as a couple is right and I hope that he will see that one day if he hasn’t already.  However, that doesn’t erase the fact that in this situation or at least in his mind, I am the bad guy.

The other day, I found myself facing a similar situation.  While it is not an ex trying to make a comeback this time, it is someone I had a brief past with who is left wondering what if we were something more and maybe we should see where it goes.  The easy thing for me to do is give it a chance, see what happens but my gut is telling me that I know where I’m at with that relationship and it’s just going to lead him on by trying.  Like the movie says, I’m just not that into him so once again, I will have to be the bad guy.

However, when pondering of both of these situations, I am left wondering one thing.  They say that honesty is the best policy but by being honest, I am now considered the worst kind of person.  Some best policy, right?  Personally, if I had either of these situations to do over again, I think I would do it exactly the same way.  Maybe right now I have to be the bad guy to eventually be considered the good guy.  Sure that might seem a bit confusing but one day when both of these people meet someone incredible that they fall in love with, I’ll be nothing more than afterthought but that wouldn’t have been possible if they were wasting their time on me.  So make me out to be the bad guy but hopefully one day they will see that I had the best intensions in mind.

It’s the easy way to be everything to everyone and what they want you to be but sometimes it takes a lot more courage to step up and say the things they might not want to hear.  It takes more heart to be honest when you know that it might be breaking someone else’s in the process. 

“Last one standing is gonna be the last one to blame.  Wait for the smoke to clear, wait for those words to disappear.  Make me out to be the bad guy.” – Tony Lucca, Bad Guy

Thank You

Franklin Delano Roosevelt uttered the immortal words proclaiming that December 7^th, 1941 is a day that will live in infamy.  Many Americans will likely never forget the events of November 22^nd, 1963 or April 4^th, 1968.  The images of September 11^th, 2001 have been permanently burned into our minds and today we add May 1^st, 2011 to the list of days we will be hard pressed to ever forget.

The bombing of Pearl Harbor, the assassinations of President Kennedy and Dr. Martin Luther King, and the September 11^th attacks are all pages in our history books along with the Apollo 11 moon landing, the Watergate Scandal, the passing of the Civil Rights Act, D Day, and many other notable moments that make up the back story of the United States of America.  And now, whether you heard President Obama’s announcement last night or woke up to the news this morning, yesterday will forever be a day that will stand out in our memories. 

For many in this country, it was a day they had waited almost 10 years to see.  For some it is a day that they hoped for for all their loved ones that will never get to see this moment because of the events of that fateful September day.  While tomorrow and what happens next are still to be determined, for today, we can take pride in our country and the efforts of troops, and for the rest of our lives, we will remember the feelings, where we were and what we were doing on that prominent day in our nation’s history. 

Thank you to all the men and women who courageously defend our country.  Thank you to all the wives, husbands, children, and families of these soldiers who selflessly share your heroes with us.  Thank you to all the fallen who gave everything they had to ensure that all Americans would continue to be safe.  There will never enough words to express the true gratitude our troops deserve but thank you is a good place to start.    

“And I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free.  And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.” – Lee Greenwood, Proud To Be An American