Raise Your Glass to 2010

Well it’s NYE and we are only hours away from a new year, aka a new beginning.  With each new year we close another chapter of our lives to begin writing a new one.  But before we move forward, since it’s the last day of 2010, I thought it would be a good time to look back on the year that was. 

This year we cheered for the Butler Bulldogs as they made an impressive Cinderella run to the NCAA finals and watched Tiger Woods fall from grace.  In 2010, Cheney had a heart attack, teen star Corey Haim unexpectedly died, Lebron took his talents to South Beach, and BP had an oil spill.  Squeaky clean Brett Farve became scandalous, New Orleans won an unexpected Superbowl, Elizabeth Edwards lost her battle with cancer, and the world was introduced to the IPad.  Maybe you laughed at Betty White on SNL or enjoyed Conan on TV, off TV, and back on again. Lost bid us farewell, Kobe got a ring (again!), the US had a Census, and an Octopus predicted the outcome of the World Cup.   You might have gone into mourning when you found out Prince William was off the market or got misty eyed over the emotional rescue of the Chilean minors.  Steven Slater quit his job in a dramatic fashion, the Boss of the Yankees past away, Lindsey Lohan was a train wreck to say the least, and Four Loko took on a life of its own.  Maybe you jumped up and down when Roy Halladay threw a playoff no hitter or watched as Sandra Bullock showed us all strength and courage when her marriage fell apart.  Haiti was hit by a devastating earthquake, Obama passed the controversial health care law, Vancouver hosted the Olympics, and the US held Midterm Elections.  This year there were make ups, break ups, and all kinds of other shakes ups and news worthy events. 

But when I look back on 2010, I will see a few things that didn’t make the front page of the newspapers and magazines.  There was NYE 2009 at Erin and Jared’s where they transported us all to Las Newmans, an amazing road trip to see the red rocks of Sedona Arizona, and a Night in Venice OCNJ style.  A PSU win over Michigan was celebrated with a lot of laughs and spiked apple cider, the Gale Force walked to make strides towards curing breast cancer, the cousins had a slumber party at my place, and I took a ride down the Chicago River.  Penn State invaded DC, which resulted in a Gamma Phi Beta weekend complete with a sailor, an ulcer, a personalize power hour DVD and a lot of wonderful memories with some of my favorite girls.  My cousin Brian finally got his driver’s license, Steph had a wonderful wedding in August, Little Ray made his confirmation, and I hosted a Christmas Morning Party to collect toys for Toys for Tots.  There was a girls night in AC, Eclipse in IMax and Team Edward, Pete and the Family in the Poconos, and a SRL Volleyball season that exceeded all my expectations.  My goddaughter went to her freshman formal looking like Kim Kardashian and I got to take her to State College for her first PSU experience.  I started this blog to commit to change, got accepted for a Habitat for Humanity trip, and I had my first PSU football year as a season ticket holder.  There was an XTU concert complete with VIP party passes, mullets, and bottle opener hats.  It was the year of the wine tour, RoboBrian, and my best friends becoming parents (LOVE TYLER!).  Overall, this year was jam packed with great memories and wonderful people. 

Today, as we get ready to embrace whatever life holds for us in 2011, we should try to appreciate all the amazing moments that were made this year.  Maybe this past year was your best yet or maybe you’ve had better but regardless of the kind of year you had, tomorrow each of us will get to start all over again.  We will make resolutions about how we will live in the upcoming year and some of us will stick to them while others do not.  We will leave the past year behind us in an attempt to move forward.  2010 will end and it will be just another year in the many that we will hopefully have but before it does, find some greatness in it and remember it that way.  So raise your glass and celebrate 2010!  HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!  See you all in 2011!

"We do not remember days, we remember moments" - Cesare Pavese

Part Three: Personal Growth

Ok we are on to the third and final part of this whole process which may be the most important part. I’ve termed this section Personal Growth.  This stage is much different than then the other two.  There is no time limit on this part like Letting Go because you should always be moving forward and growing as a person.  There is no check list like with Unexpected Adventures because so much of this part of the process is intangible and can’t just be crossed off a list.  While both of those parts contribute to my Personal Growth, this section is all about figuring out who I will become. 

There are so many questions in my life right now but ultimately it all boils down to what comes next.  I need to figure out where I’m heading.  Maybe I won’t be able to determine a destination yet but I need to at least make sure that I’m facing the right direction.  There are several things I can’t change and questions that will be answered in time but right now I want to focus on me and let everything else come together on its own. 

The ultimate goal of this stage is to help myself become a more well rounded person.  I want to push myself physically, mentally and emotionally beyond what I think I’m capable of.   I hope to step outside of my comfort zone and dive into new arenas.  Who knows, I may find something I really love or at least find out more about myself.  This step is not as easy to explain as the other two but I urge you all to keep checking in and let the results speak for themselves.

To recap, with Letting Go, I will gain clarity.  With Unexpected Adventures, I will gain experience.  With Personal Growth, I will aim to be the best version of myself.   With all three parts, I will break down the limits that have been built up in my life and figure out how I want to live.  I will be the one in the driver’s seat.  I hope to find the balance between doing the things I want to do and the things I have to do.   This whole process is really all about focusing in on change, making commitments and following through with them, and learning to live life without unnecessary expectations or rules. 

“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” – Lao Tzu

Part Two: Unexpected Adventures

The second part of my journey is a journey all in itself.  When life doesn’t go exactly the way you thought it was going to, you have two choices.  You can dwell on all the things that you don’t have or you can take advantage of all the things you can have.

I know I've said this before but I always thought that at 28 years old, I would be at a different stage in my life.  I figured I would have more responsibilities or other people to consider when I decided to do things but that was just a thought.  The reality is that I don’t have anything keeping me from doing the things I want to do except for me. 

When you’re little, people tell you that you’re supposed to grow up, get a job, fall in love, get married, have kids, and basically live happily ever after.   Well they don’t exactly put an age on that fairy tale so when you grow up, you realize that just because you want happily ever after doesn’t mean that you can predict when you are going to get it.  As nice as it is to think we can have a well thought out and carefully detailed life plan, we really can’t.  You can try to plot out everything but eventually life will intervene.  Maybe you will fall in love when you weren’t looking for it or end up with someone who’s not ideally who you thought you would be with.  You could wind up changing your career plan, having kids sooner than you expected or living somewhere you never could have imagined living.  All of the twists and turns in life are your unexpected adventures. 

Now since my life plan didn’t go exactly how I thought it would, I’m in an unexpected place and I’ve decided to take advantage of that.  I still want the white picket fence, marriage and kids someday but I’m not just going to sit around on my couch watching 90210 reruns while I wait for that pretty picture. 

So I came up with “The List”.  We all have our list of things we want to do before we die and if you don’t, I suggest you think about it.  The list that I’ve created is a modified version of my life bucket list.  Since I have a time line of a year on this project, I had to fill the list with things that I want to do but also things that I can do within my time frame.  For example, on my overall bucket list, I want to go to every Major League Baseball ballpark.  Now I know that I can’t accomplish that in one year but I can check a few off my list, which would contribute to my ultimate goal.  I’ve been building The List over the past few weeks and I expect it to grow as time goes on.  I have posted what I have so far in a side bar to the left.  I’ve completed a few things already but I am committed to finishing the rest by my end date of 11/11/11. 

I want to really experience life and the ability to do so this freely could change at any time, which is why I need to take advantage of where I’m at now.  I’ve thrown out the pieces of my broken life plan and decided to start coloring outside the lines.  I have ideas and things I want to do but where I’m headed is still unknown.   We will learn more on the roads that we take to get to where we are going then from our final destination.   Maybe I don’t have the life I thought I wanted but I do have the opportunity to do a lot of things that I never would have been able to if my original plan had worked out.  So here’s to unexpected adventures and the excitement they will bring to my life J

“If you worry about what might be and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is” – Unknown

Part One: Letting Go

If you assume I came up with this whole change your life challenge on a whim, you are wrong.  There is actually some deeper organization and thought behind my social experiment.  Yesterday I gave you reasons why I am doing all this and today I want to get into more of the details, starting with the first section of three, letting go.

Sometimes we have to take a look at who we are and who we want to be and see if those two people match up.  If they do, then you are pretty lucky but if they don’t, then look at what is keeping you from being who you want to be and let it go.  

During the "Letting Go" portion of my process, I am committed to doing three things.  I want to forgive past mistakes, reevaluate the friends I have in my life and finally tie up loose ends when it comes to past relationships.  All of these things are items that I have avoided dealing with for one reason or another over the years and it’s time to confront them. 

When I started this blog, I knew this would be the first thing I would have to address in order to move forward with the other two aspects of this project. I gave myself from my start date of November 12^th, 2010 until December 31^st, 2010 to complete this stage.  Once I hit 1/1/11, I want to be in the best possible place mentally then maybe I ever have been in my life.  That is the ultimate goal of this part of the process.

So far, I have been able to forgive myself for my past. In order to gain closure, I had to accept the things that I have done and choices I have made. By holding on to things, especially the “what if’s” associated with decisions, I am allowing myself to let something hinder my progress. They are excuses.  Excuses are just reasons created in our own minds to allow us to justify why we are not living up to our full potential.   I will no longer let myself be held back by excuses. I know that we all make mistakes and instead of being embarrassed or hurt by mine anymore, I am going to chalk it up to whatever doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.   I have learned something from every experience and will take what I can from each situation to make me a better version of myself and prevent history from repeating. 

I have decided what people to hold on to and which ones to let go of.  In order to become more of the person I want to be, it is important that I make sure to surround myself with the right people.   I started with my phone, which is pretty much my life line, and purged anyone I didn’t think needed to be in there.  Far too often we hold on to people as “friends” when we either don’t talk to them anymore or can’t come up with valid reasons why we are friends.  Sure somewhere along the line, they may surprise you and come back to be your friend again but you can always cross that bridge when you come to it.  At this point, you have to do what you need to do for where you are at now and decide if that person is included. 

Finally, there are past relationships.  I have a friend who likes to mock me by asking, “Who are you stringing along now?” whenever he sees me.  I don’t want to be that girl but the truth is that I am.  All of my major relationships seem to be skeletons still lurking in my closet but recently, in one way or another, I have gotten closure for all of them.   In each case, I said everything I needed to say to them and now I am holding on to nothing.  Whether it was confessing feelings, admitting to the lack of feelings, or realizing that we are different than we used to be as a couple, I have made peace with each of these people and am no longer stringing anyone along.  I have tied up all the loose ends and the most important part is that I am not just saying that like I have in the past.   I believe it with all my heart this time and there no doubts in my mind. 

So as I approach my appointed deadline for completing my letting go stage, I am fully confident that I am going to enter 2011 with no baggage.  I am taking the right people forward with me and leaving the wrong ones behind.  I have no excuses left.  Everything from my past is what it is.  I can’t change it.   Moving forward, I hope to continue to apply my theories of forgiveness, evaluating relationships and tying up loose ends to my life as I go along rather than having it get so out of control that I have to do it all at one time like I am doing now. 

There are a few days left in 2010 and I urge each of you to find anything that has a hold on you and free yourself from it.  A new year is a new beginning and it’s important to start things off right.  Wipe the slate clean for yourself and make 2011 your best year yet. 

 “Change is never easy, you fight to hold on, and you fight to let go.”  - The Wonder Years

 “There’s no need to miss someone from your past – There’s a reason they didn’t make it to your future.” – Unknown

The Scary Age

For the past few weeks I’ve been working on setting up the foundation for this little project of mine.  With everything I’ve posted, I’ve hoped to paint a picture of what exactly got me to where I am and why I am choosing now to do this.  But in an attempt to recap a little, I am going to outline it all for you now.  I call it the foundation for this social experiment in change.  Basically the things that got me to my current state of mind is what started my whole want to make things different and I plan to build off of that initial desire.

When I was in college, I had a good friend who always said that 28 was the age where she would get married and settle into that next phase of her life.  If she was not there by that time, then that was the age when she would panic.  Let’s call this the Scary Age Theory.

Well at 22, that sounded like a great plan to me so somewhere along the line I adopted that philosophy on life.  Back then, 28 seemed like a million years away so I figured I had nothing to worry about.  This past March I hit the scary age.  I was now 28 years old with no boyfriend, no ring, and no prospects on the horizon.  However, my lack of relationship status wasn’t the aspect of my life that I was most panicked by. 

I wasn’t really content with my life as whole.  As I’ve said before, I felt disconnected.  There was no real passion or excitement behind the things I was doing and I felt more like I was just going through the motions rather than truly feeling alive.  I still had several ghosts of relationships past in my present preventing me from moving on to the future.  I am a Type A workaholic and I have issues saying no to people or putting myself first, which quite often leaves me feeling burnt out or stretched too thin.  Work was really the only place I had mild success but it also gave me the opportunity to hide from all the other aspects of my life that I was unhappy with.  And finally, since I was a kid I’ve had one major dream and that was to attend Penn State University.  At 18 years old, I got that dream and now I have a piece of paper hanging on my wall as a constant reminder that I made my dream come true but no idea what my next dream should be.

For years, I had been waiting around for life to fall into place and I finally came to the conclusion that it wasn’t going to do that.  The universe can only take you so far.  Fate or karma or whatever it is that you believe in are only going to be able to give you so much before you have to take over control of your own destiny.  It is easy for all of us to talk about doing things but then when it comes to actually following through, we lack motivation. I want to put my money where my mouth is, stop talking and start doing the things I say I'm going to do.  People constantly say if you're not happy with your life then change it so I'm giving it a shot.  I know there will be good days and bad days.  There will be days when I will stumble or fall and I will have to find the strength to pick myself up and keep going but there will also be days when I will fly.

So today I’ve given you a little recap of what inspired to me do all this.  I wanted to start here because like I said earlier, this is the foundation for me to build off.  I am starting with a desire to evolve, change and grow, which will hopefully be a solid base in which I will build the rest of my life upon.   Over the next few days I hope to enlighten you on other aspects of this journey.  I will take you through the three phases of this process and give you a little more insight into what I hope the ultimate destination will be.   Stay tuned!

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.” – Robert Frost (excerpt from The Road Not Taken)

Social Experiment

“You know people get up everyday, tell themselves something's gonna change their lives. They never do. I'm gonna change mine. Why don't you do it with me?” – Doug MacRay, The Town

Typically I end every post with a quote but this time I thought I’d start things off with one.  Today Santa decided to give the Northeast a nice belated Christmas gift so I am pretty much snowed in, which has given me plenty of time to catch up on my movies.  This afternoon I watched The Town and if you have never seen it, I completely recommend it.

Regardless of the fact that the movie was worth watching, the above quote stood out to me.  I have been on this whole change kick for a while now and I think it’s a good thing.  I’ve really focused in on what I want and am committed to putting forth my best effort to achieve my goals.  Call it a social experiment of sorts.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve had several people tell me how much they have enjoyed my blog or that they’ve related to it but recently, I’ve been made very aware of the opposite opinion.  It’s some of the people closest to me that think I’ve completely lost my mind.  I know I over analyze everything and I can make shopping for groceries more dramatic that it has to be but I get to conclusions in my own way.  I think we all have to do that.

This week I intend to pretty much lay out my game plan for this “social experiment” of mine and really give you the insight into what I’m trying to accomplish.  I know some people are thinking I’m off my meds or crazy or something but honestly I am just documenting my road to figuring out what comes next for me. 

I think it is easy for someone who is not at this stage of their life to say that figuring everything out is effortless but for someone going through a change, it’s not so simple.  They say the first step to dealing with an addiction is admitting that you have a problem, which is exactly what I’m doing.  I’m admitting that I have an issue and I’m figuring out where to go from that admission.  I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life and the goal of all this is to change that and in turn be happy at that point no matter where that is.  I am fully aware that there are things I can control and things that I can’t but for the past few years I’ve been so concerned with the things I can’t that I’ve neglected working on the things I can.  It’s time to realign my priorities. 

Basically, that’s all I’m doing.  Figuring out what I want and deciding which of those things I can make happen.  I know that I can’t make myself fall in love and live happily ever after but I can do something about my desire to see the world or change my current situation.  Hopefully by changing the things I can, those that I can’t will fall into place.  They say life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans and maybe that is just what I’m trying to do.

So with only a few days left in 2010, I plan to let you all in on what my little social project is all about.  I hope that it will provide clarity to anyone who wants to know what this whole journey is meant to do and to the cynics out there, it doesn’t matter what you think.  I am not concerned about those who question my methods.  I am only concerned with one opinion and that is my own.  I didn’t start this for anyone but me and I’m not going to let it be impacted by anyone either.  I am not off my meds and I’m not ready for the padded room anytime soon.  There is no need to worry about me.  I will be better than fine.  I will be great.  Hopefully you will get on board, buckle up and just enjoy the ride with me. 

A Time For Tradition

One of my goals with this blog has been to try and change myself to become more of the person I want to be but at this time of year, I am reminded of  some of great things that I hope will never change.  We all have our traditions that we grow to depend on and I am extremely thankful for mine.

There is Christmas Eve day spent with the cousins and the night celebration with the neighbors followed by midnight mass and the post church after party.  Christmas day is brunch and Pollyanna gifts with the family.  August brings the Jersey Shore and the same beach house that we have been renting since I was a kid.  September, October, and November are all about PSU football which includes the Saturday tailgates in the usual spot with my Penn State Family.  Father’s Day is the girls’ dance recital.  Thanksgiving means going to Jersey and getting to enjoy the feast prepared by the Maloney men.  There is Black Friday shopping with my mom and Aunt Gale (now Uncle John) and the Christmas week shopping trip with Sean and Brian.

These are just a few of the many great traditions in my life that I hope I will always be able to hold on to.  They are comforting and something to look forward too.  We all have the things in our lives that remain the same regardless of time or life changing.  These traditions are important and help contribute to who we are. 

For all of you enjoying your traditions this holiday season, I hope you remember to value these moments.  Too often we take them for granted because they happen year after year but it’s so important to remember that when life is constantly changing, some things simply remain the same. 

"Preserving tradition has become a nice hobby, like stamp collecting." Mason Coolney