Breaking Bad Habits

Ok so if this whole year is really about growing as a person, I have to let go of my rules, step outside of my comfort zone and basically throw everything I think I know out the window so that I can start from scratch.  That all sounds pretty easy but sometimes the bad habits get in the way.

Some people smoke.  Some people drink too much.  Others bite their nails or chew with their mouth open.  Whatever it is, we all have something that we do that we can consider a “bad habit”.  Sometimes we have several.  In my world, the one that bothers me the most is one that I’ve talked about before and that’s my lack of follow through. 

You see I don’t put a lot of effort into things.  I constantly put forth just enough to get by but I want spectacular results.   The saying is that you get what you give and in most cases I don’t give nearly enough to get what I want. 

I’ve been good at a lot of things in my life but never great.  I go back to my sport playing days.   After every game or meet, I would get in the car with my Dad and he would tell me I did ok and then give me a laundry list of things I could do to improve.  I hated those moments!  All I wanted was some praise and all I got was criticism.  It wasn’t until years later that I realized that I really didn’t deserve the praise.  Again I did just enough to get by and for a while it made me seem like a good athlete but eventually, my lack of devotion and hard work would catch up with me.   I started off good but as people got better, I leveled off and in the end I was just ok.  Yes maybe I would never have been a great basketball player or runner even if I did work harder to improve, but I’ll never know just how good I could have been.

This idea of doing just enough to get by has followed me beyond my subpar athletic career.  I excelled in school subjects that came easy to me and was disinterested in ones that didn’t.  I could have pushed harder to be good at everything but that required more effort than I wanted to exert.  In relationships, when things get tough, I am usually more likely to walk out and attempt to let it blow over or give up rather than put the work in to make it better.  Call it lazy, call it unmotivated, or call it whatever you want, but inevitably I am holding myself back from seeing just how great I could be.

So I go back to where I started this post.  In order to grow as a person, I need to break the bad habits that I’ve developed over time in order to achieve the things I want to achieve in the future.  I want a successful relationship, career and life.  You don’t get that just by wishing for it.  I want to be more proactive in making my life happen. 

Let’s start with this blog.  I’ve been trying to keep up with my posting but I constantly let writer’s block or other things, keep me from writing.  I am going to start small and make the commitment to write every day through the month of March.  If I can’t find something to write about every day, then I’m not working hard enough at committing to this self evolution process.  

"You get what you give.  What you put into things is what you get out of them." - Jennifer Lopez

Coming In Last Place

On Valentine’s Day, I wrote a post about my best and worst versions of the holiday.  Of course, Mr. Worst Valentine decides that he would like to make his reappearance on that particular day, the most romantic day of the year.  It only took one “Happy V-day” text message to make me realize that the universe is a little out of whack. 

That text got me thinking about my past relationships.  Now, I know I was supposed to leave all that drama in 2010 but it’s not the drama that I’ve been contemplating.   I’ve honestly been more fascinated with the idea of karma.

You see, I’ve had four major relationships in my life.  All of them were smart, successful in their own ways, and good looking but ultimately, each of these guys brought something different to the table which attracted me to them.  However, it is in hindsight that the blinders, created by your crush, come off and you see things more clearly.  For me it is pretty black and white, two of those guys were really great guys and two of them were not so good.  Ironically, the two jerks have girlfriends while the other two are still on the market.  I’m sure Mr. Worst Valentine’s new girlfriend wouldn’t be so happy with him texting best Valentine wishes to his ex but still he will have a girlfriend tomorrow.  If not his current one, some new girl will come along and get swept up in his bluster and bull.

But my question, is why?  If the saying is what goes around comes around, then what kind of karmic retribution is being served by the bad boys landing in the roses and the good ones falling into the gutter?  Honestly, why do some people fall for you when others don’t?  And why do you end up falling for people who will never fall for you back?  If life is supposed to be as simple as do unto others as you would want done unto you, then shouldn’t those doing the hurting be the ones feeling the pain?

Personally, I don’t harbor any ill will towards anyone.  Life is too short to live in the past but since I'm in the process of figuring out my dating present/future, I can’t help but wonder if nice guys finish last, what happens to nice girls?  There’s a thought to ponder.

"It's not true that nice guys finish last.  Nice guys are winners before the game ever started." - Addison Walker

Inspired By Milestones

I’ve talked a lot about finding your passions in life and pursing them.  Well one of my passions has always been supporting great causes especially cancer research.  This weekend was one constant reminder of how much this cause means to me. 

In 1995, I was only 13 years old when I was given the honor of being the godmother to my aunt and uncle’s first born baby girl.  Back then I had braces, wore my hair in a ponytail every day, and still let my mother buy most of my clothes so you can imagine just how hard it was for me to comprehend that I would be given such a huge role in this child’s life but I was honored that they chose me.  And then there came the day I was given the news that my goddaughter, the beautiful baby that she was, had leukemia.  I had no idea what that even meant but it was just the start of the things I wouldn’t understand.  Chemotherapy, bone marrow transplants, steroid medications were all major things that I couldn’t wrap my head around.  All I wanted to know was why did this happen to her and would she be ok?  I was constantly afraid that we would lose this prefect little girl before she even got a chance to live her life.

This Saturday, my brave little goddaughter turned 16 years old.  I watched her smile and laugh with her friends during her birthday dinner and I couldn’t help but think that I was watching a true miracle.  From the moment she was born, she had my heart and has been a true inspiration.

In 2004, I was given another honor.  This time it was the chance to dance in Penn State’s Dance Marathon.  Since pediatric cancer was something that had personally touched my life, it was a no brainer for me that I would get involved with THON.  However, the idea of dancing just seemed like too daunting of task for me but Casey always stood out in the back of my mind.  I knew that completing the 48 hour, no sitting, no sleeping event would be extremely hard but it was nothing compared to the nights Casey spent in the hospital and treatments she had to undergo.  So I did it, for Casey.  I dance in THON and it was the most amazing experience of my life.  Not only did I make it through but I was part of an event that raised over 3 million dollars for childhood cancer. 

This Sunday, just one day after Casey hit a major life milestone; Penn State’s Dance Marathon hit one as well.  When the dancers finally sat down this evening, it was announced that this year’s THON raised over 9.5 million dollars, a new all time high. 

This weekend I was brought back to two of the most memorable times in my life thus far.  I was once again standing at a baptismal font holding a baby and I was also trapped in an over crowed gym with aching feet having the time of my life.  Both Casey and THON are thriving.  Both Casey and THON are proving that cancer can do it best to take us down, but we will always be fighting back. 

Happy Birthday Casey and Congrats THON 2011!

"Cancer is a word, not a sentence." - John Diamond

 

Be Mine

Today is Valentine’s Day.  To some this will be the most romantic day of the year.  It is the day when you can be outwardly mushy with no criticism because you’re supposed to be over the top lovey dovey on Valentine’ Day.  However, for others it will be the most difficult day of the year.  It will be the day when you are reminded that while the whole world is in love, you’re not.  Depending upon which team you are playing on this year, February 14^th could be your best or worst day.  Instead of getting into where I’m at with Valentine’s Day this year, I’ve decided to take you back to the highs and lows of this holiday in my world. 

For me, it doesn’t take a lot to get to my heart.  I’m not a flashy girl and I don’t need over priced roses or Tiffany’s boxes from my Valentine.  It’s easy to whip out a credit card or make a dinner reservation but I say let Valentine’s Day come from your heart.  That’s why Valentine’s Day 2003 stands out in my head as the best Valentine’s Day I’ve had.  I was a junior in college and my boyfriend at the time, blew me away with the most thoughtful night anyone has ever put together for me.  While most guys just take their girls out to fancy dinners and movies, my boy spent the day learning how to cook from the cook at his fraternity all so he could make me dinner.  When I showed up that night, I was surprised by an amazing home cooked meal complete with personalized homemade menu.  The gift for the evening was nothing more than a movie that I had wanted but I couldn’t imagine getting anything better.  Everything about that night was simple but that was us.  He put his whole heart into that night and I felt so lucky to have someone love me that much.  On a scale of one to ten, this Valentine’s Day was a 12.

Now to the flip side of the Valentine’s Day coin.  My worst Valentine’s Day was February 14^th 2006.  I’m sure most of you are expecting some sob story about me being alone on Valentine’s Day but that’s not exactly how it went.  In fact, I had a Valentine that year.  My boyfriend and I had just gone through a really rocky patch but it finally felt like things were turning around for us.  I kept trying to figure out what he was planning for Valentine’s but he was very cryptic about it and as the day approached, I started to realize that he really didn’t have anything planned.  I was exceptionally disappointed knowing that we would be doing nothing to celebrate the holiday.  However, I was pleasantly surprised when he took me to an amazing hotel that had these luxury suites all decorated in different elaborate themes.  There was a medieval theme, an Egyptian theme, a tribal theme, and so many more but ours was decorated in a beach theme.  We had an amazing dinner and night out at this beautiful place and I couldn’t believe that I ever doubted that he would rise to the occasion and wow me on Valentine’s Day.  I was so happy until a week later.  That was when I found out he had taken his ex-girlfriend to the very same hotel and planned the exact same night just one week before he took me.  I had never felt so disgusted and not special in my entire life.  Not only was he cheating on me but he was giving me a date that wasn’t ever intended for me.  Needless to say, I was no longer happy or in love.  To rank this one would be pretty impossible because it’s a negative 1000 in my book.

Ok so you’re probably thinking, now is where I tell you what my Valentine’s Day 2011 is going to be like.  Well, think again.  The only thing I’m going to say is that if my 2011 Valentine’s Day falls somewhere in between my best and my worst, I’ll be ok with that. 

Maybe this holiday is nothing more than an excuse for florists to sell more roses, candy companies to make a killing on chocolate, and Hallmark to destroy a bunch of trees to print up sappy greeting cards but it really is a nice idea in theory.  Sure you should show the people in your life that you care about them every day of the year but we don’t always do that.  So often we say I love you when we hang up the phone or when we say goodbye to someone but we do it just out of force of habit.  Today, tell someone in your life you love them and mean it.  If you’re in love, do something heartfelt.  Make this Valentine’s Day about giving a piece of your heart and not a piece of your paycheck.  If you aren’t in love, it doesn’t mean you aren’t loved.  Share this day with friends or family you care about or do something special for yourself because even when you have no one else, you will always be able to depend on yourself which is definitely something to appreciate.   To everyone, may this be your best Valentine’s Day yet and if it’s not, here’s to much better ones to come!  Happy Valentine’s Day!

If you’re in love today:

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” – Dr. Seuss

If you’re celebrating Single’s Awareness Day:

“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” – Sex in the City

The Masks We Wear

This past week when my plane landed in New Orleans, I started walking through the airport and I found myself stopped in front of a gift shop.  New Orleans has a lot of unique trinkets that they are known for such as beaded necklaces, voodoo dolls, and the inspiration for this post, masks. 

The masks sold in New Orleans are an essential part of the city’s Mardi Gras celebration but masks go back even further than that.   Throughout the ages the festivities of Carnival were celebrated with masquerade balls and these elaborate dances rose to the height of their popularity during the Renaissance in Europe.  Somewhere along the line the tradition of masked parties designed to conceal identities became a thing of the past, or did they?  As I stood in front of the mirror with a mask covering a portion of my face, I couldn’t help but think about the masks we all wear every day. 

I had a friend that I knew for a very long time and I thought I knew him better than anyone else did.  It had been such a long time since this person had crossed my mind but while I tried on masks, I couldn’t help but think of him.  You see this person wore a mask, so much so that I don’t know if he would event be able to recognize himself without his protective shell.  He became the person that everyone wanted him to be and the honest truth was that I always felt bad for him having to hide behind a mask but I should have been worried about removing my own. 

You see, I was hiding behind a mask too and when it came to this particular person, my mask concealed the fact that I didn’t really know him at all.  I can’t tell you his favorite color or his deepest darkest secret.  I didn’t know his most embarrassing moment, his parents’ first names, or what he wanted to be when he grew up.  I’m not sure what his favorite movie is, where he vacationed as a kid, or what his favorite holiday was.  I had spent years trying to get into his heart and it was easier to throw on the mask to pretend that I had, when the real truth was I could never seem to get even close to him letting me in.

We tend to build things up in our heads, masking the reality of what they really are, furthering my theory that we all wear masks.  Sometimes it just easier to believe the version of the story that we want to hear rather than the version as it really is.  Masquerade balls were are all about pretending and hiding but eventually the event had to come to end and the masks had to be removed.  Someday we will have to remove our masks too, which may allow us to see things with a new clarity.

So I bought a mask in New Orleans.  I bought it to remind me that even though it’s fun to play dress up and make believe, masks are supposed to come off.  Sure we want people to see us a certain way but if that’s not really who we are, then what is the point of pretending?  And if you are pretending, what is stopping you from truly becoming that person?

"If I were two faced, would I be wearing this one?" Abraham Lincoln

Partner in Crime

Back in November, I wrote a post about how important it is to surround yourself with the right people and differentiate real friends from acquaintances. Well today, I want to take that one a step further. In your life, you can consider yourself very lucky if have people that you will do anything for because you know they would do anything for you. Well out of all those people, there may be one or two that stand above the rest. These are the people that you are truly meant to go through life with. They make your life better simply because they are a part of it. These are your best friends.


Now I don’t mean to discredit any other friends in your life but best friends are people that know you so well that sometimes it scary. They can finish your sentences, tell you what clothes you have in your closet, keep your deepest and darkest secrets in the vault, and know just how to calm you down when you need it. They are your partner in crime.

Today is February 11th and I am excited to wish my best friend a very happy birthday! Amy and I have been through so much over the years. In grade school we bonded over art and drawing, played sports together, and hung out at each other’s houses. In high school, we braved the scary new world together from that first minute of 6D homeroom to the day we threw our green, gold and white caps in the air at graduation. When it came time for college, we went our separate ways for the first time in 12 years. Our separation lasted only two years until she transferred and we became not only friends but sisters when we joined the same sorority. Sure we’ve had our ups and downs but when all is said and done, it was us against the world.

Almost two years ago, I stood up at Amy's wedding and gave a speech releasing my rights as best friend to her new best friend, her husband Brad. Honestly, if I have to share her with anyone, I couldn’t imagine anyone better than Brad. As I watched her on one of the biggest days of her life, I kept thinking how far we had come from the days when we spent our time making friendship bracelets and the most important decision we had was who was going to be our four square partner. We been through bad fashion choices, questionable boyfriends, major life moments, and other friends that have come and gone but still our friendship remains in tact. Yesterday we had our weekly lunch date and tonight I will babysit her son while she celebrates her birthday. I’ve known her 23 years and I know she’ll be stuck with me for many, many more.

Every Thelma needs a Louise and every Batman needs a Robin. Harry Potter would be no where without Ron Weasley and Romi would have never invented Post Its without Michelle. Carrie had Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha and Flex had Oscar. Maybe you married your best friend or you grew up with them. Maybe they are a sorority sister, fraternity brother, teammate, co-worker, or family member.  Sometimes you just get one and sometimes you get 2 or 3 or a whole group. No matter who it is, think back today on all the amazing experiences you’ve had together and realize that they have made a mark on your life forever. I know my life needs an Amy. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

“Everyone has a “best friend” during each stage of life – but only a precious few have the same one.” – Unknown

MVP In The Big Easy

This past weekend, was definitely a challenge.  Last time you heard from me, I was on the verge of a mental breakdown.  Everything was going wrong for me but luck can change in an instant or in my case overnight.

 I spent all night Friday restless, praying for a miracle and when I woke up Saturday, everything just seemed to fall into place.  My overnighted materials sent to replace the missing items arrived just in time.  I stayed up half the night submitting jobs to the Kinko’s website to have copies printed and even though it was supposed to be done at noon, it was done before the show even opened that morning.  I did everything I could possibly do to help correct this unfortunate situation and I was able to get enough together to pull off a really great show.  Our true success will be measured by the amount of business we generate from this event but I am confident that in the end, we will have exceeded all expectations.

Looking back on the weekend, it wasn’t easy but when is life ever easy?!  Sometimes we have to step up and prove to even ourselves that we are capable of being great.  So on Superbowl weekend, Aaron Rodgers wasn’t the only person putting forth an MVP worthy effort.  I definitely think I was an MVP this past weekend and in true Superbowl fashion, “I’m going to Disney World!” Ok well it was New Orleans but you get the picture.  With the work part of this trip well under control, I was able to enjoy the amazing city I was in. 

All cities have a unique style and flare about them but New Orleans was like nothing I’ve ever seen before.  The architecture, the people, the food, and the life style were incredible and I really wanted to take advantage of being in this intoxicating city.  I ate at Emeril’s, had a Po’boy, did a little gambling and bought a voodoo doll (stay on my good side!).  I drank a hurricane from Pat O’Brien’s, partied on Bourbon Street and shopped in the French Quarter. Overall, I think I did it up right in the NOLA.

When faced with a disaster, you have figure out a way to rebuild.  Ironically, New Orleans knows a thing or two about rebuilding!   Everywhere you go in that city you see one reminder after another of what hard work can do to combat the obstacles that life will throw at you.  I’m glad I didn’t give up when my task seemed impossible and I’m proud of myself for working hard to make the best out the situation I was given.   Jimmy Buffett said, “And you find as a writer there are certain spots on the planet where you write better than others, and I believe in that.  And New Orleans is one of them.”   Well maybe there is some truth to that.  Maybe New Orleans can bring out the best in you, no matter what it is that you do or maybe it’s just a city.  All I know is that this past weekend, I was great in New Orleans.

"We made big plays when we needed to make big plays, maybe not the way we drew it up but as long as you make them, that's all that matters." - Drew Brees, New Orleans Saints Quarterback

Defending Against The Fire

I swear some days you find yourself regretting that you ever got out of bed.  Today was one of those days.

Ironically, today started off pretty great.  I wasn’t scrambling around at the last minute like I usually am before a flight, everything fit perfectly into my suitcase which meant I managed to successfully not over pack, and when I got to the airport, I found a parking spot close to the terminal door.  It all seemed a little too easy but that’s where my good luck stopped. 

Once I got through security at US Airways Gate B, I realized I wasn’t on a US Airways flight; I was going on a US Airways Express flight that would be leaving out of Gate F.  I had to go all the way to the other side of the Philadelphia airport, which included taking a bus, just to get to my terminal.  Next my flight out of Philly was late taking off and late arriving in DC causing me to just barely make my connecting flight to New Orleans.  Then the flight to New Orleans was absolutely miserable!  It was so turbulent that it was making me sick. When I landed in the NOLA, I decided instead of taking a cab to the hotel, I would take the Airport Shuttle that was advertised all over the baggage claim area.  Well over an hour later, I could have kicked myself for that decision.  Even after all that, I had finally made it to New Orleans and I was ready to get to work. 

The whole reason I am in New Orleans is to attend the American Academy of Dermatology’s Annual Meeting.  It’s the largest and most important tradeshow of the year for my company and the one I spend almost all year working on.  This is my fourth time attending this show and every year it’s gets more and more seamless, that was until this year.  This year, it became a disaster!  It all started a few months ago when I was told to travel down here at the last possible minute to handle the set up to cut travel costs.  So I came down today, the day before the show opened .  I usually go to this show at least two days before in case I have to deal with any fires that need to be put out.  

When I got to our booth, I realized exactly why I never wait until the last minute to arrive at a show.  First, I noticed that none of our boxes were there (Fire #1).  I immediately got annoyed thinking about how long it was going to take me to track down our stuff from the show services people in the convention center.  However, it only took them two minutes to tell me where my boxes were, which was anywhere but in the convention center (Fire #2).   Show services people constantly tell you they don’t have your stuff until you prove to them that it was delivered and then somehow they magically find everything.  I quickly hopped on my phone to contact my shipping department to get the tracking information.  The panic officially set in when I got the email from my office saying that all 15 boxes we sent to the show were stuck on a truck in Dallas for the last two days and due to the snow, they wouldn’t be there until Monday (Fire #3), which is the very last day of this event.  Sound the alarms!  I was officially going up in flames. 

I spent all afternoon scrambling to put out the blaze.  I went on the attack arranging overnight Saturday deliveries and having copies printed but no matter how hard I tried, it just seemed like everything was falling apart.  After 6 hours of hell, I came back to my hotel room and put a facebook message up to vent about my miserable day and then I got the best advice.  My aunt told me that this is when I should punt.  Well she officially deserves the Lombardi Trophy because she was exactly right.  I had to punt. 

I had spent all day playing offense and honestly I had done everything I could.  Now it was time to kick the ball away and try to make things happen on defense.  They say offense wins games but defense wins championships.  I needed to have a champ status performance to overcome all these setbacks.  So as I line up the X’s and O’s in my playbook, I am ready for a strong defensive effort tomorrow.

When it comes to obstacles, you can let them stop you or make the best out of what you’ve got to overcome them.  No the show will not be perfect but somehow I will make it great.  This is my project, my mess, and my chance to shine under pressure.  Billie Jean King said, “Champions keep playing until they get it right”.  I will get it right.

“But I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, his greatest fulfillment of all he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious.” – Vince Lombardi

Spring Is In The Air

Today, somewhere on television Bill Murray is reliving the same miserable day over and over again, in a small town in Pennsylvania there is a ceremony receiving national attention, and throughout the country there is a winter storm freezing out most of us.  Happy Groundhog Day! 

The story behind this second day in February is that if Punxsutawney Phil, the world’s most famous groundhog, sees his shadow, we will have six more weeks of winter to look forward to but if he does not there is an early spring coming our way.  This year, the critter didn’t see his shadow, however, when I go outside to scrap all the ice off my car so that I can try to get to work, I find it hard to believe that spring is just around the corner. 

This morning when my alarm went off, I found myself feeling Bill Murray’s pain.  This winter is starting to feel a little like the movie Groundhog Day.  Each day I wake up and look at out the window to see what form of punishment the winter has brought to my life now.  Sometimes its snow, sometimes ice, and the blistering winds and below zero temperatures have been fun too.  No matter what the day, there’s always something.

But today I am going to choose to believe the myth of the weather predicting groundhog.  An early spring is exactly what I need to free me from my winter funk.  Spring means my birthday, Phillies Spring Training in Florida, and the first signs of warm weather.  So while I am deicing my car this morning, I will be dreaming of sunny days, flowers, baseball and the day I officially retire my heavy, bulky winter jacket for another year.

"Spring is nature's way of saying 'Let's Party!'" - Robin Williams