Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

My first job out of college was as a manager running programs for a fitness facility.  Typically on Thursday nights, the gym runs a basketball league and when I was working there, I used to work a late shift on Thursday and go out for drinks with the guys who run the league afterwards.  Since I left, we have been fortunate enough to keep our Thursday night outings going and last Thursday was no exception.  As I walked through the doors of facility, down the small flight of stairs and over to the front desk, I gave my typical greeting to the employee working at check in.  “Hi, Chuck!  How are you?”  Chuck, an older man only in his 50’s but appeared much beyond that point, always politely replied back that he is good and asks how I am.  I in turn reply that I am good too and move on heading through the building and making my way to the basketball courts to meet my friends.  Tonight is Thursday and I will once again head to the gym to participate in my typical routine but this time when I walk through the door and down the stairs there will be a teenage kid sitting behind the front desk, not the older gentleman that I have grown used to seeing upon entering the facility.  You know how I know this?  Well because last Friday, less than 24 hours after we exchanged our greetings, Chuck passed away.  He was only 57 years old.

I first met Chuck back when I was managing the club and my initial impression of him, as well as several other people’s, had been less than flattering.  His gray shaggy hair and unkempt appearance made him look no different than a homeless person you might find on the streets of any city.  When he smiled, you could see the missing teeth in his mouth and when you walked by him you would be greeted with the smell of stale beer which no doubt came from one of the many beer cans you could see scattered about his car through the windows.  Based on appearance and the fact that he was a grown man working a job typically held by college and high school kids for no more than minimum wage, everyone got the impression that he had some sort of issues. 

It took people a long time to give Chuck a real chance but over the years he proved to everyone, including me, that we had misjudged him.  He worked harder than most people in that building, took shifts whenever he was needed, and even worked in other departments.  Over the years, this person who most of us thought would be fired or leave in a few weeks, ended up becoming a trustworthy, reliable staple at the facility.  A few years ago they even gave him the opportunity to take on manager on duty position.  Granted it was only one night but it was Friday night and no one ever wanted to be stuck working at the club on a Friday night until 11pm but Chuck did it and took it more seriously than any other manager took their managing shifts.  To be honest, it’s hard for me to think of that place without him. 

I chose to write this story because it’s always important to stress just how fleeting life can be.  They always use the expression her clock is ticking to refer to a woman’s baby birthing years but the truth is we all have ticking clocks.  Some of us are going to get more time on this earth than others.  For some of us, our clocks are going to stop ticking all too soon.  The problem is that there is no way of figuring out exactly how much time we are going to get.  Last Thursday Chuck was doing his job and by Friday he was gone.  Here today, gone tomorrow.

Life is short even if you live to be 100 so if your time runs out prior that, life becomes even more abbreviated.  If it’s all over tomorrow, are you happy with how you are living?  Do you have someone in your life that you aren’t speaking to or someone that you have hatred towards?  Would you be happy leaving this world with those issues still unresolved?  Are there things that you want that you keep putting off for someday?  What if you don’t get someday?  Is there someone you love that doesn’t know it yet?  Would you be ok with them never knowing just how you feel?  It’s nice to think that we always have to wait for the right time or right place for something to happen but why wait?  If you died tomorrow, would you say that you are truly happy with how you lived? 

“You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die.  Or when.  You can only decide how you’re going to live.  Now.”  - Joan Baez

One Month

Today is July 19^th, 2011.  Exactly one month from today I will be stepping on the plane and heading to New Zealand to work with Habitat for Humanity.  I don’t have construction experience.   I know no one.  I will be half way around the world for two weeks completely removed from my everyday life.  For me this will be an experience of a lifetime but for Habitat, this is their everyday life.

I would venture to guess that most people know the basic premise of the Habitat for Humanity organization but the cliffs notes version is that they are a non-profit organization seeking provide decent, affordable living spaces to those in need.  These homes are built by volunteers willing to donate their time and energy to help the cause as well as the family who will call this house their home.  Between the family’s “sweat equity” hours and the time invested by volunteers, Habitat for Humanity is able to continue their exceptional mission around the world. 

As part of the team headed to New Zealand next month, I will get the opportunity to finish up two houses that were started by another team back in May and begin the construction of two new homes that will be worked on by other teams venturing to the area in the future.  I can’t believe that in just one month, I will be a major part of giving a family a gift that will change their lives. 

I feel very strongly about this organization and the outstanding work that they do in communities around the world.  There are about 1.6 billion people through the world who are living in substandard conditions.  On top of that number, another 100 million are homeless.  In the US alone, 95 million people are faced with housing issues. (statistics are from the Habitat for Humanity website - http://www.habitat.org/)  When I read statistics like that, I think sometimes I take for granted that I have been lucky enough in my life to always have somewhere to go home to.  I’ve never had to worry about not having a roof over my head and I hope that when I meet these families in a month, that they too will have the safe feeling of knowing they will never be without a place to call home again.   

As I get ready to take my adventure with Habitat for Humanity, I urge you all to learn more about this fantastic organization and get involved.  Sure, you may not have the time or money to take off and go to New Zealand but there are plenty of builds in need of volunteers much closer to home.  And of course if you can’t give your time, give what you can from a financial stand point.  Every dollar and every dime helps keep this special group going and making a difference in our world.  If you can’t afford to give a monetary gift or donate your time to the cause right now, at least learn more about the work that Habitat for Humanity does and keep it mind for your future charitable involvement. 

To find out more about Habitat for Humanity, make a financial contribution or learn how to participate in a building event, visit www.habitat.org. 

“Habitat gives us an opportunity which is very difficult to find: to reach out and work side by side with those who never have had a decent home—but work with them on a completely equal basis. It’s not a big-shot, little-shot relationship. It’s a sense of equality.”—former U.S. President Jimmy Carter

67 Minutes

Everyone has that one friend or family member that is impossible to shop for when it comes to holidays or birthdays.  No matter how hard you try, you always end up asking yourself the same question: What do you get for the person who has everything?  Well when you are Nelson Mandela, you might have everything you need so you ask for something more precious than just material gifts.  He asked for time.

The former South African President and iconic anti-apartheid activist is celebrating his 93^rd birthday today and when he blows out the candles on his cake, he is wishing for just one thing from all of those interested in commemorating this milestone.  He’s asking for just 67 minutes of your time.  67 minutes to represent the 67 years that he spent fighting for human rights.  67 minutes of public service in his honor.  No gift wrap.  No ribbon.  No card.  Just one hour and seven minutes out of your 24 hour day to do something to better the day of someone other than yourself, to do something to benefit the world.

To be honest, if I hadn’t woken up this morning and turned on The Today Show, I never would have known about this particular request but I have to say, I’m glad I know it now.  So often we catch ourselves complaining that there isn’t enough time in the day to get the things we need to do for ourselves done but could you imagine putting the fate of a nation or its people in front of all your own individual needs for 67 years?   67 years is a long time.  67 minutes is nothing in comparison.

So if you’re reading this, you now know that July 18^th is the international day known as Mandela Day.  July 18^th may almost be over but Mandela's request is one that is ongoing.  So what are you going to do with your 67 minutes?  Maybe you will take food to a homeless shelter, clean out your closets to give clothes to good will, or volunteer to help out a senior citizen.  Maybe you will organize a charity event, make a monetary donation, or collect books to be given to the local library.  Maybe you won’t give up your 67 minutes today or this week but hopefully you will keep this request in mind and give up your hour and seven minutes at some point to help make this world a little better place.  What am I going to do with my 67 minutes?  Well I’m not sure quite yet but I do plan to practice what I preach so expect an update post soon. 

Happy Birthday to a great man who spent 67 of his 93 birthdays fighting for change and equality.  I hope you get exactly what you asked for this year!

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” – Nelson Mandela

Playing The Odds

Lately I’ve felt like my life is one giant game of roulette where everything is separated between the evens and odds.  

The evens are engaged, married, paired up, or pretty much just destined to travel through life in packs.  In the past few months, I’ve had three good friends get engaged, a few get married and a hell of a lot of relationship status changes on my facebook home page.  We celebrate the evens.

However, on the flip side, there are the odds.  The odds are single, odd man out, odd numbered wheel in a group or basically standing alone alongside the evens.  These are the people that begin to feel like they are staring at Noah’s ark and two by two everyone is getting on the boat while leaving them behind to drown in the flood, alone.  We don’t celebrate the odds, we feel sorry for the odds.

Due to my current status, I’m an odd and I have to say that I do have my times when I feel very much like other old ones out but lately I’ve sort of stopped seeing it that way.  By no means am I giving up my desire for that nice happily ever after or finding someone to go through life with but it’s not as important to me now as it has been in the past.  I started this blog to focus on change and I would say back in November, I was borderline obsessed with finding my next great love.  I thought that was the big change that was going to make everything else in my life make sense and fall into place.  Throughout that time I’ve gone through my ups and downs where I’m good with being single and then I’m completely over being alone but the other day I realized that I’m finally indifferent to it. 

I was out getting drinks with a friend who started telling me about a barbecue he had been to where he was the lone single person at a party full of couples.  As I listened to his story, I definitely commiserated with him but it also made me think of the day I had just had.  I had spent the day at a picnic and from going to the event with my friend and her husband to spending the day swimming in a sea of couples, I had had just about the same kind of experience as my friend telling the story.  However, it wasn’t until that moment that I realized it.  Typically when outnumbered by pairs, I would notice it right away, dwell on it, obsess about it and I would start to feel a little out of place but for some reason on this particular day, I didn’t feel that way at all.  By not feeling out of place, I was able to enjoy myself.  By not thinking of someone as so and so's girlfriend or that girl's husband, I was able to just spend time with my friends regardless of their statuses.    I had a wonderful day and not one single woe is me I’m alone feeling. 

For every happy story I hear about engagements and romantic gestures, I hear another about being the lone single person in a room full of couples once again.  Instead of stressing about finding someone to pair up with and take on the world two by two, I’ve decided to try being one of a kind.  I’m going to play the odds.  Think about it this way.  In the game of roulette, the chances of coming up lucky are the same for the odds and the evens.  Life is unpredictable so all you can do is spin the wheel and hope your number comes up.

"All the evidence shows that God was actually quite a gambler, and the universe is a great casino, where dice are thrown, and the roulette wheels spin on every occasion" - Stephen Hawking

Making Things Happen

Personally, I would never consider myself impressive.  If you haven’t gotten the picture already, I consider myself a little behind the 8 ball most of the time, kind of confused by which way is up and pretty much driven to go somewhere but still waiting for the GPS to kick in and tell me exactly how to get there.  Recently, I started to see that maybe I’m making some things happen for myself without even really knowing it. 

There’s a line in the Gavin DeGraw song Meaning that says, “Mounting, the trail, but you’ve got it in sight, sometimes the only way is jumping, I hope you’re not afraid of heights.”  I heard this song for the first time the other day and since then this line has been playing over and over in my head.  I think this sums up what I’ve been doing for the past year.  For the first time in my life, I’m jumping and I’m not looking down before I do it.  Lately, I’ve written a lot of posts about the frustration I’ve felt over not really seeing the immediate results of this little social project but every once in a while there comes a moment where it all becomes clear.

The other day, I went out for drinks with an old friend.  I’ve known this person for a very long time and I guess I would say that he should know me pretty well by now.  Since we hadn’t seen each other in a long time, we were just getting together to catch up but as the conversation continued on and I told him what I was up to, I started to see that he was not expecting to hear what he was hearing.  As I discussed my life and the words came out of my mouth, I began to realize just how much I really was doing this year.  I have been pushing myself, I am challenging myself, and I’m working on making things happen. 

As I looked into his eyes, I knew he had come to the same conclusion on me that I had that evening.  I wasn’t the same girl I was when I was 18.  I wasn’t the same person I was when I was 22 or 24 or 26.  Who I am now is someone on the road to who I am meant to become and that is pretty impressive.   I have an idea of what I want but I by no means have everything figured out and I’m definitely not always sure how to get there but I’m on a path.  The trail may not always be clearly defined but I am climbing the mountains instead of staring at them, intimidated by their vastness.  I’m walking without quitting because I’m tired.  And if things get to a point where the only way to keep going is by jumping, then I’m just hoping the landing isn’t too rough. 

"Some people make things happen, some watch things happen, while other wonder what has happened." - Proverb

Putting Your Best You Forward

Last week I outlined my home reorganization plans and to be honest, you may wonder why the heck you wasted your time reading about me cleaning my house but it really goes beyond cleaning.  Have you ever felt out of control in your life?  Have you ever felt like you know the kind of life you want but you just don't know how to get there?  Well to regain control, you have to take control of the things you can and that will in turn set you up on the road to becoming the person you want to be.  Something as simple as setting your home up can be the first step towards putting your best you forward. 

Whether its job frustration, matters of the heart, physical issues or financial problems, life can come at us pretty hard.  A lot of the time it’s almost as if we are walking a tight rope every day, just trying to maintain that perfect balance but things are coming at us left and right trying to knock us off the wire.  As much as we would like to think we have all the answers, we don’t.  There is constantly another question to answer or challenge to face and at the end of the day, it can leave us pretty drained and defeated.  Sometimes it’s tempting to say let’s just throw caution and control out the window and do whatever it is we feel like but unfortunately, we can’t live like that forever. 

That is exactly why it is important to start to manage specific areas of your life.  Since I reorganized things in my home, the chaotic feeling I had prior has practically vanished.  I know where things are now, my space is maximized and I don’t have that defeated feeling haunting me when I walk in my apartment.  And most importantly, the changes I’ve made have impacted the other areas of my life. 

For example, my diet is better because I am cooking a lot more now because I reorganized my kitchen.  Having cleaned out my fridge, I have more room and have filled it with better choices such as fresh fruits and vegetables.  I have also maximized the space in my cabinets and drawers, finding a home for everything I have in my tiny kitchen.  Because there aren’t dishes in the sink, cluttered counter tops, or overflowing cabinets, I feel motivated to cook because I don’t have to worry about cleaning before I do or not having the room to actually prepare food.  My office area is no longer a dumping ground for mail or junk I don’t know what to do with.  By adding a filing box for bills and mail, I have a place to sort that when I get it so that it doesn’t just pile up on top of my desk or in a basket somewhere.  The cords, CDS, and art supplies that were shoved in the drawers and on the shelves are now neatly organized in their own labeled containers and make them easy to find when I need them and put away when I am finished.  Now I can see the top of my desk and have created an ideal space for working.  Overall, by doing this reorganizing, I have said to not only myself but to everyone who will enter my home that I am in control of my space as well as setting myself up to be as productive as I can be.

 It’s a common saying in the workplace that you should dress for the job you want but that theory can apply to so much more than just our careers.  We should be dressing for the life we want.  If I want a successful, put together life, then I have to create the environment to make that happen.  Think about this for a minute.  Have you ever judged a book by its cover?  Or purchased something off the shelf at a store because you liked the packaging?  Has an advertisement in a magazine or TV ever made you consider going out and buying a new shampoo or other product?   If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you just proved my theory correct.  What we present to the world matters.  How we package ourselves and our lives matters.  If it didn’t then you would by the book with the blank red cover instead of the one with all the flashy pictures or you wouldn’t care about the fancy product packing when you select from similar products on a shelf.  It’s not about vanity or being superficial, it’s about putting the best version of you out in the world and who wouldn’t want to live at their best? 

"My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment." - Oprah Winfrey 

Real Change Begins At Home – Part Two

Yesterday I told you about my attempt to declutter my living space in hopes of ultimately decluttering my life.   Today I want to talk about the next step toward organizing the clutter and chaos.  Now that you have eliminated the unnecessary items from your environment, it’s important to realize that you’re not done yet.  Even though it’s tempting to call it quits after removing the extraneous things from your home, everything you have left in your world has to have a place to belong so you need to find one or create one before you can truly claim that you are organized.  That’s where we are at now.

I started this process with my bedroom and we’ll continue there because your bedroom is the place you start your day and end it so whether you know it or not, you bedroom is setting the tempo for how each day of your life will go.  For example, if you wake up in the morning and you’re rummaging through clothes on the floor to find what you’re going to wear that day or stressing because you are going to be late because you can’t find your keys, you are going to carry that chaos throughout the rest of your day.  If you end your day in that same disheveled place, it will affect your sleep and set up the cycle of disorder for the next day.  Amazing that it took me 29 years to come to the earth shattering conclusion that I should keep my room clean J

However, organization goes beyond clean.  Messiness is caused by laziness and let’s face it, we are all a little on the lazy side at times.  I recently finished a book by Maria Menounos where she says, “lazy people work the hardest” and that couldn’t be a truer statement.  If I had just tried to keep things a little neater as I went along then cleaning wouldn’t be a full day or week long process.  Sure it might be easier to take the shirt off and throw it on the floor when you’re getting changed but how much longer does it really take to throw it in the hamper or put it back where it belongs? 

Now my question becomes, how can I set myself up so that it is just as easy to put the shirt in the drawer rather than throw it on the floor and that answer is simple.  If it seems easier to throw something somewhere other than where it should go, your space is obviously not set up to produce the best results.  By this I mean, after you have decluttered and you are left with the things you truly want to keep, you need to find a place for each of these things and they should fit there without being shoved or forced or pushed into that place.  If your drawers are over flowing and you have to pull everything out to get to the shirt you want or you have so many shoes that you can barely close the closet door, your room is set up for organizational failure.  Maybe you need to buy more drawers or rearrange your closets so that you are utilizing your space correctly but for everything you want to keep in your life, you have make sure it has a place where it fits and is easy to access so that you will be more likely to return it there when you need to.

Ok I’m sure you are really wondering why you wasted your time reading all about my cleaning but there is greater purpose here.  I want to be the best version of myself and therefore I need to set myself up for success.  An organized home can directly impact other factors in your life.  Since I’ve reorganized everything, I have not had to do any major cleaning days because I’m straightening up as I go along.  On top of all that, I have been getting to work earlier because I’m not rummaging for things and I can get ready quicker.  That is also allowing me to do things like make my bed or eat breakfast before I leave the house, which in the past were completely out of the question because I was always rushing to get out the door.  When I come home, I feel like I can just unwind from the day because I’m not overwhelmed by all the clutter and if something is out, I have a place to put it now that is just as easy to access as a pile on the floor.  Overall, I feel better about my world and more in control.  My diet is better, my mood is better, I sleep better, and I’m managing my time better. 

Cleaning and organization are little things but as I’ve mentioned in the past, it’s the little things that help to paint the bigger picture.  We can say that they are too inconsequential to mention but if you think that, then you probably aren’t taking care of the little things in your life.  Once again, in order to achieve success in the bigger sense of the word, you need to set yourself up to succeed but handling the smaller details to create the most efficient environment for the life you want to lead. 

“There is no one giant step that does it.  It’s a lot of little steps.” – Peter A. Cohen