Ok so the other day I mentioned that I was going to try to work on creating visible change in my life. I decided to this because a lot of the things I was doing will hopefully impact me in the long term but I needed some sort of visible reminder that this process and a commitment to change can work and I needed it sooner rather than later. However, there is something to keep in mind when you are aiming to achieve visible results.
Visible change consists of changing the things you can control that will allow you to see immediate results. Basically what you put in will inevitably shape the end result because you are the only one who can impact these areas of your life. You can’t will someone to hire to you for a new job. That takes work and sometimes a long time before you see results. You can’t force someone to date you. Again that takes you putting in the effort and waiting out the losers and rough patches until you find what you are looking for. Each of these are things that you ultimately do not have complete control over. You are of course involved in the process but you can really only go half way. In either of the aforementioned instances, you need either the employer or the guy/girl also in the relationship, to come that other 50 percent. It’s frustrating to have such a large part of your fate in someone else’s hands but there really isn't anything you can do about that. But, there are things in your life that you can control, which will be able to produce results for you so that you can see that impact of the change in your life. Things such as your home, body, finances, self confidence, and wardrobe (just to name a few), are all directly dependent upon you and you have the power to change them without having to wait for someone else to come half way to meet you.
With that being said, these things are tricky to change. You see, there is no set standard to reach when dealing with any of these items. In the sense of a job or a relationship, once the position is offered to you or the relationship is established as exclusive, you have succeeded. With both of those items, there is a clear cut end result with not a lot of gray area. When changing things about yourself, especially physical things, you have to remember that the end result is in the eye of the beholder, which in this case is you. It’s natural to want everything to be “perfect” but when you accept that “perfect” doesn’t really exist, you will be able to achieve your goals and feel success.
I realized this theory a long time and go and I feel like it has been a huge difference maker in my life. When I was 18 years old, I met a boy who I definitely felt like I was in love with. At the time, I thought he was the kind of guy that most people dream about and I was really happy with our relationship. However, he wasn’t so he decided to end things. When he did, he couldn’t give me a real reason as to why so he told me it was because I wasn’t perfect. Hearing those words come out of the mouth of someone I cared about was really tough and I will say that for a long time that moment haunted me. Even when I would see him or interact with him in any way, I couldn’t shake the overwhelming feeling that he was judging me and I wanted nothing more than to gain his approval. Although it did take a while, eventually I realized that I wasn’t perfect and more importantly, I didn’t want to be. I had spent so much of time working towards becoming the type of person that someone else wanted me to be and never stopped to think that that might not be who I want to be. Perfect is a nice idea but if I was perfect, I wouldn’t be unique and I would much rather be an individual than a bland, boring version of yet another person striving to reach an impossible standard that quite frankly, I didn’t even care to reach.
In order to really change and see visible results, you have to let go of the idea of perfect. The real trick to seeing results is to define happy instead of striving for perfect. Decide what will make you happy and use that as your barometer. But if you want to know about how to do that, check back at another time. For now, realize that you don’t have to be “perfect” and let that go. You need to be in the right mindset before you embark on any attempts to create visible change.
“Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.” – Harriet Braiker
“The most difficult part of attaining perfection is finding something to do for an encore.” – Unknown
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