Fantastic At Any Age

Time is a funny thing.  It’s one of the few constants that we can depend on in life.   There are times when you wish it would speed up a bit to get something more exciting or you hope it would just slow down in order to prolong certain moments but ultimately it just keeps right on going.  60 seconds to every minute, 60 minutes to every hour, 24 hours to every day, 7 days to every week, and 52 weeks to every year.  It’s pretty dependable that way.

Well today, time ticked away my twenties and left me standing right on the door step of a whole new decade.  When I woke up this morning the clock didn’t read 6:30am, but instead said loudly, welcome to 30!  For a long time, that number held a pretty powerful place in my life.  It was the deadline I set for that next step in my life to be completed.  It was a scary age which would come with panic if in fact those next step items didn’t come together by that age.  It was a number that for so long, seemed to be forever away until I noticed, it was standing right next to me. 

When I turned 29, I saw it as the death march for my 20’s had beginning.  It was just a clock ticking away the seconds, minutes, hours, and days until the big 3-0.  But somewhere in the past year, all that changed.  As I watched friend after friend reach this milestone with trepidation, I found myself less and less scared and more excited for this next phase in my life.  I had already let go of the expectations I once had so 30 representing a deadline was no longer relevant and lately my life has been progressing at an all time high level so I couldn’t be at better place to enter this new decade.  They way I see it, I am not saying good bye to life as I know it, but rather getting ready for what I’m sure will be another exciting era filled with new adventures and a continuation of my story.

Time is a funny thing.  When it comes to good times and happy moments, we never seem to have enough of it and it flies by but when we’re stuck in traffic or doing things we would rather not be doing, the time just can’t go by fast enough.  We can’t spend our lives scared of the ticking clock.  We just have to take each second, minute, hour, day, week, and year as it comes and try to enjoy it.  No one knows what time will hold for us but we need to make the most of the time we have. 

So here’s to my 20’s.  It was an interesting journey, I learned a lot, and there will be many life lessons and fond memories of that age bracket that I will keep with me forever.  And here’s to my 30’s.  From where I’m standing right now, I am confident it will be one hell of a ride.  And most importantly, here's to me.  Fantastic at any age :)

"I think I'll take a moment, celebrate my age.  The ending of an era and the turning of a page.  Now it's time to focus in on where I go from here.  Lord have mercy on my next thirty years." - My Next Thirty Years by Tim McGraw

Never Ending Whys

I always tend to believe that things happen for a reason.  People come into our lives and leave it but not before they leave a mark on us or who we want to be.  Places and cities help us find that sometimes elusive sense of comfort and belonging.  Every happiness sustains us, gives us hope, and renews our faith in all the great things life has to offer while every sadness is making us realize just how important it is to enjoy those happy times.  Things are constantly happening around us and if they didn’t have a purpose, then what would be living for?

Ok I will admit that some of the things that happen to you don’t always make sense or there isn’t always a clear cut answer to the never ending whys, but they still have a reason for happening, no matter how cryptic it might be.  I know I’ve had a lot of questionable things happen in my life and maybe I’ll never have a good enough answer as to why but I recently realized I don’t need any answers anymore. 

 I think for a long time I was chasing something because I thought the reason it kept coming up in my life was because I was supposed to follow it.  I thought maybe it was bigger than even I knew and if I didn’t keep going after it, I would miss out on something truly amazing.  However, no matter how hard I ran towards it, somehow it kept eluding my grasp.  And even when I tried to give up on it, it managed to sneak back up on me.  If someone could have given me a good reason as to why I couldn’t have it, I probably would have walked away but there weren’t any answers except for one.  I didn’t have it.  No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get it.  As soon as I stopped looking for a definite answer, I came to the conclusion that I really didn’t even want it anymore.

I’ve really been on a kick lately to enjoy the things I have and not worry so much about those that I don’t.  It’s ok to want things but it’s not ok to let those things keep you from enjoying all the greatness right in front of you.  Everything does happen for a reason and whether we figure out what that is or not, maybe it all comes down to the fact that we shouldn’t waste our time looking for answers when things we want don’t pan out while we could be spending it finding things or people or situations that we never have to question.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason.  People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you learn to appreciate them when they're right.  You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust one on but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." - Marilyn Monroe

Let It Matter Or Let It Go

Over the last few weeks I’ve been on a complete high.  My self confidence was at an all time level, everything in my life was clicking, and great things were happening all around me.  Pretty much life was good.  However, as Newton teaches us, what goes up, must come down and within just a few seconds, everything I had worked for and everything I had built up, seemed to come crashing down around me.

It’s a common saying that “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”.  When you’re young, you might need to hear that to rise above it but the real truth is that words do hurt.  Maybe you won’t have any cuts or broken bones or physical bleeding from someone saying something about you but sometimes the emotional scars and bruises that words leave behind are even harder to deal with.  Cuts and broken bones hurt but eventually heal.  Emotional pain lasts much longer.  You can’t just kiss it and make it all better.

A few years ago, I got myself in a relationship where I was beaten down emotionally over and over until the I didn’t even feel like myself anymore but for some reason I couldn’t walk away.  I was so driven to prove that the image this person had of me wasn’t true but no matter how hard I tried to make him see that, he just kept on putting me down until I eventually believed that maybe he was right.  I was pretty much emotionally cutting myself over and over, addicted to the pain.  Eventually, I came to the realization that this person wasn’t right and the only power he had over me was the power I allowed him to have so I decided to start healing and stop hurting. 

Since I’ve started this blog, you seen my journey to get back to the me I was and the me I wanted to be and healing from that relationship was a huge part of what I needed to do to feel like myself again.  Learning that I wasn’t the person he saw me as and vowing to never let anyone make me feel like that again were big steps toward getting to where I am now.  The other week someone said something that sent me spiraling back to that time in life and everything just seemed to rise up in my stomach like emotional vomit.  I wanted to unhear what I had heard.  I wanted to rewind the tape of my life back a few seconds so that I could avoid the whole situation.  Eventually I just wanted to cry.

But the major difference between me then and me now, is that I am not that same person.   I am so much stronger now that I have ever been in my life and I am going to hold myself to my promise that no one will ever be able to bring me down, no matter what they say.  Sure, I could spend my time trying to prove to this person that they are wrong about me I don't need to prove anything to anyone.  Love me or hate me that's for you to decide but I'm completely happy with who I am and I think my opinion of myself is dead on.  Again, the only power people have over us is the power that we give them.  Letting their opinions get to us or send us into emotional turmoil isn’t worth it. 

People are going to say things.  Sometimes they will pay you compliments and sometimes they will give you criticism but ultimately it’s all just their opinions.  We can choose to let them matter or let them go.  Sure once someone puts an idea out into the world, it’s hard to forget it, especially if it’s hurtful but if you don’t believe it to be true, then why are you letting matter?  I know who I am and that is the only opinion that matters. 

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Maybe It Is That Simple

One of my more annoying qualities is that I’m a pretty guarded person.  I’m highly skeptical of people and their “motives”, which is a trait I developed from previous interactions with people that I have trusted only to have them let me down.  Instead of enjoying the fact that someone is being nice to me, I instantly wonder what they want.  I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop or the strings to be attached.  This is something I would definitely like to shake so as I write my own set of rules to live by, I want to start here with letting go of my hesitations, becoming more trusting, and over all just expecting to be treated well because I do deserve it.

I think I’ve had one too many let downs when it comes to friendships and relationships so I have built up some walls.  It has been my experience that there are far more times that people will do things for you so that they can get something in return, rather than doing things simply to be nice.  It’s not a very positive way of thinking but ultimately it is safe.  If you always hesitate and question things, you will be much more confident when you finally do let your guard down, if you can.  But this all leaves me wondering, if I don’t let someone in or trust them to be free of ulterior motives, am I’m just essentially sabotaging my chances at moving forward with any sort of relationship?

The saddest part of all this, is that I think most people can relate.  When someone pays you a compliment, do you shrug it off or do you thank them because you know they recognized what you’ve known all along?  How often do you ask someone, “what’s the catch?”.  If you get a present for no apparent reason, do you get hung up on the why rather than just enjoying the gift?  Pretty much we are all just waiting for the blissful cloud of nicety to fade away and leave us to free fall down the spiral of catches and strings and conditions.  Why can’t people just be nice for the sake of being nice?

While it may be hard to blindly trust people and believe that their intensions are honorable, I think we have to come back to one simple thing and that is that we all deserve nice.  We shouldn’t question compliments or keep ourselves from being happy because we are waiting for the bottom to drop out on us.  Life is full of good and bad but they don’t always go hand in hand.  We should be looking for the good and expecting it rather than always thinking there is a going to be a bad side to follow.  Nice doesn’t always mean guilty or fake or seeking some kind of payback.  Maybe nice is just nice.  Maybe it really is that simple.

"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy." - Walter Anderson

Maybe We Need To Be Lost?

In the book Travels with Charley, John Steinbeck writes that “To know where you are going, you have to know where you are, and I didn’t”.  I’m sure it comes as no surprise to anyone that line stands out to me but even though Steinbeck is referring to trying to navigate his way down the great American highways, I think to most people it says a lot about riding on the road of life.

When I started this blog, I didn’t know where I was and I really do agree that that had a lot to do with why I couldn’t get to where I wanted to be.  So I committed to taking the time to really work on myself and change who I was.  I wanted to stop living in the past and let go of the things that were holding me back from moving forward.  During that time, it stopped being about figuring out how to get to where I was going and over the past few months, I’ve realized that where I am suddenly became exactly where I wanted to be.

I feel like every day I come in contact with people who are lost.  So many people in my life seem aimless right now and lately I’ve spent a lot of time feeling bad for them, mostly because I feel so amazing right now.  I kept thinking if they could just take the time to change their mindset.  All they need to do is refocus and start to open their eyes to what is right in front of them.  They have to be willing to let go and open to change.  For some reason, this week it all sort of hit me that each of these people will get there but they have to do it in their own way and on their own time table.

What I needed to do to figure out where I was and where I was going was my journey.  It was my challenge and it took me a long time to get to the point where I was strong enough to take the steps to move forward and from reading this blog, you can see that it was not an overnight process to get to where I am now.  Sure, in hindsight it all seems so logical and easy to me but I had to get there all on my own, which gives me faith that others will be able to do it as well.

Maybe sometimes we need to stay lost for a while.  Maybe we need to be aimless to see that going nowhere is getting us nowhere.  Maybe we need to run and run until we can’t run anymore.  It isn’t until we are out of breath that we will be able to come to the conclusion that all running is going to do is get us further and further away from where we want to be. 

Change is a process.  Getting back on track isn’t easy.  The results are fantastic but it’s the getting there that is the real challenge.  We all have to take the steps to get there on our own and that includes running away from the things we are not quite ready to deal with head on.  However, keep in mind that there may be some truth to the old saying that you can run but you can’t hide.

"Not all those who wander are lost." - J.R.R. Tolkein

Don't Cry Over Spilled Coffee

This past week has been really stressful for me.  To say I have a lot going on right now is an understatement and I was starting to feel like I was being pulled in a hundred different directions.  To add to that, every time I felt like I was getting things accomplished and making some progress, someone or something would intervene and put me right back at square one.  It was like spinning round and round on a hamster wheel and going nowhere.  I was trying not to let it all get to me but that was almost impossible.  By Friday, the issues were mounting, my blood pressure was rising, my patience was being tested, and I was starting to feel a little defeated.  Then I spilled my coffee…

At about 9:30am on Friday morning, I was just starting my work day and I got a phone call from a co-worker asking me a question about a project that I was working on.  As I turned to grab the file folder for this particular project, the phone cord hit the Styrofoam cup of coffee sitting on my desk, spilling its contents all over my laptop key board.  As the panic hit me, I frantically scrambled to sop up the coffee with paper towels and prayed that this would not be the rest in peace moment for my computer.  After I got rid of the liquid, it seemed like my laptop was still intact.  Programs were still opening and I thought I was in the clear. 

So I went back to work and opened an email to respond.  As I began typing, my computer began to type things on its own.  Pretty much, it was possessed.   I decided that I would try to the old reboot option to see if a quick restart would solve my problems.  No such luck!  All rebooting did was give me dark screens and the key board was still acting with a mind of its own.  Prepare the obituary because my laptop was dead. 

Now you could say that my computer drama was pretty much the crappiest way to end an already bad week but for some reason I didn't fell that way at all.  I threw a facebook message up asking for someone to come to my rescue and got a computer savvy friend to give me some expert advice.  He told me to put my computer face down in rice.  As I talked on the phone to him, it sounded ridiculous but I did it.  I went to the grocery store and bought the biggest bag of rice I could find (10lbs to be exact).  I put my computer in a box and covered it in the rice.  I even carted the box out of my office and home so that I could remove it from the rice the next day.  The whole time this was happening, I found myself smiling and even laughing about the situation.



My Box O' Rice



The moral of this story, besides that liquids and electronics don’t mix, is that when life gets to you take some time to gain some perspective.  Take a minute and think about the stress you are under.  Are you creating it?   Are you making things bigger and more intense than they have to be?  Are you fighting battles that maybe you should just let go?  Basically, I was just letting everything get to me.  I was taking it all personally and the truth was that I had to step back and realize that it wasn't worth the stress.   I think I needed to spill coffee on my computer and laugh my way though the ridiculous do it yourself remedy that would hopefully save it to realize that bad things are going to happen and stress is inevitable but how you deal with it is what will determine your mood.  There really is no sense in crying over spilled coffee.  Oh and in the end things tend to work out just fine and I know this because I'm typing this post from my resurected laptop.

“Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle.” – Bill Phillips

How Do You Measure The Life Of A Man...

How do you measure the life of a man?  Is it by what they do professionally?  Or maybe what they do on a personal level?  What about how they raise their families?  Is it what they didn’t do or could have done that will be their defining moment?  Or could it be the impact they leave on the world and how they are remembered after they are no longer here?   However you choose to view the collective life of a man, it is not just one chapter that should sum up their existence but their entire book.

It isn’t often that we see people turn down the opportunity for more money or a better job simply because they love what they are currently doing.  Rarely does anyone stay in a lesser position because they can do more good there rather than move on for more glory.  People are constantly putting their own personal growth and success first while helping others becomes a secondary priority often placed on the back burner or forgotten.  There really isn’t a better example of this out for number one mentality then in the world of sports.

When you’re young, coaches constantly tell you that it’s not about if you win or lose; it’s about how you play the game.  However, the further along you go up the sports ladder, the culture of the game becomes more about how much you get paid to play or even win at all costs.  Long gone are the days where people play purely for the love the game. 

Sports can teach us respect, dedication, and hard work.  They can show us how to treat others and how to live up to our full potential.  Overall, sports can be a vessel to teach children discipline and lessons that will inevitably shape their lives.  Every once in a while someone reminds you that sports and life are bigger than what you do on the field.  They are a shining example of how you play the game always being more important than what is going in the win/loss column.  Joe Paterno was that person. 

JoePa was many things but a winning football coach was just one of them.  He was a teacher, a leader, a father, a philanthropist, and an educator all wrapped up into one man masquerading as a coach.  In a time where college athletes are churned through the system and spit out after they have served their "purpose", Paterno sought to make these kids better than just workhorses and Penn State more than just a required stop on the way to the NFL.  He wanted his boys to be good people, not just good players. They were students first and athletes second.  He wasn’t coaching gods or individuals; he was coaching a team which was greater than any one person.  Beyond the field, he sought to teach all other students at Penn State those same lessons.  Through both time and money, he aimed to give all Penn Staters the support and supplies they needed to succeed and do it with honor.  He helped make Penn State not just a university but a family filled with pride.  Up until a few months ago, Joe Paterno’s Grand Experiment was revered and then came shocking news. 

No Penn Stater will ever forget last November and seeing everything we knew being shattered when the horrible allegations of a sex abuse scandal rocked the Nittany Lion community and tarnished the iconic work of Coach Paterno.  After a 61 year career of preaching that sports were second to humanity and living a life full of integrity and high moral fiber, Joseph Vincent Paterno was now being seen by most people as a man who put football and winning first.  They called him someone who didn’t do enough.  He was a man who was tried and convicted in the court of public opinion as a failure because of his inaction. 

Suddenly, the old man who stood for everything good and right in the world, was the the symbol of evil.  He was no longer the exception to the morally bankrupt sports culture but a monster who was the leader of the most dangerous of all cults.  In what seemed like an instant, all the amazing work he had done was gone and forgotten.  Today, Joe Paterno is gone and while some people might question how he will be remembered, I say that if you total up his life, he wasn't a saint and he wasn't perfect but he was a man who did too much for so many people, a success with honor, and someone who can never be forgotten.

Great people aren’t great because they are perfect.  They aren't extraordinary because they are flawless.  People are great and extraordinary simply by being themselves.  They have passion, courage of conviction, and a belief that the world will be a better place not because they were a part of it but because they believe in all that it can become.  While these people will always accredit their accomplishments and impact on the world to something bigger than they are, in the eyes of others it is hard to imagine anything could have had a larger impact than they did.    

Heroes don’t wear masks or capes and you don't find them in movies or comic books. Real heroes walk among us and we call them legends.  The stories of their lives are not just short stories or novels but true tall tales that will be passed on for generations to come.  There is no need to distort their stories to make them any greater because it is already too incredible to believe at times that anyone could have lived that amazing a life.  At the start of his career, his father told him that if he was going to become a coach that he should make an impact.  Joe Paterno left the world a greater place then when he entered it 85 years ago, so if you want to define this man and his life story then say, he made an impact. 

"They ask me what I'd like written about me when I'm gone. I hope they write I made Penn State a better place, not just that I was a good football coach."-Joe Paterno  

I say without a doubt that you did just that.  THANK YOU!!