Maybe It Is That Simple

One of my more annoying qualities is that I’m a pretty guarded person.  I’m highly skeptical of people and their “motives”, which is a trait I developed from previous interactions with people that I have trusted only to have them let me down.  Instead of enjoying the fact that someone is being nice to me, I instantly wonder what they want.  I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop or the strings to be attached.  This is something I would definitely like to shake so as I write my own set of rules to live by, I want to start here with letting go of my hesitations, becoming more trusting, and over all just expecting to be treated well because I do deserve it.

I think I’ve had one too many let downs when it comes to friendships and relationships so I have built up some walls.  It has been my experience that there are far more times that people will do things for you so that they can get something in return, rather than doing things simply to be nice.  It’s not a very positive way of thinking but ultimately it is safe.  If you always hesitate and question things, you will be much more confident when you finally do let your guard down, if you can.  But this all leaves me wondering, if I don’t let someone in or trust them to be free of ulterior motives, am I’m just essentially sabotaging my chances at moving forward with any sort of relationship?

The saddest part of all this, is that I think most people can relate.  When someone pays you a compliment, do you shrug it off or do you thank them because you know they recognized what you’ve known all along?  How often do you ask someone, “what’s the catch?”.  If you get a present for no apparent reason, do you get hung up on the why rather than just enjoying the gift?  Pretty much we are all just waiting for the blissful cloud of nicety to fade away and leave us to free fall down the spiral of catches and strings and conditions.  Why can’t people just be nice for the sake of being nice?

While it may be hard to blindly trust people and believe that their intensions are honorable, I think we have to come back to one simple thing and that is that we all deserve nice.  We shouldn’t question compliments or keep ourselves from being happy because we are waiting for the bottom to drop out on us.  Life is full of good and bad but they don’t always go hand in hand.  We should be looking for the good and expecting it rather than always thinking there is a going to be a bad side to follow.  Nice doesn’t always mean guilty or fake or seeking some kind of payback.  Maybe nice is just nice.  Maybe it really is that simple.

"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy." - Walter Anderson