No Boys Allowed!

It was the Pussycat Dolls who said, “I don’t need a man to make it happen”.   Beyonce told us that girls run the world, Christina Aguilera proclaimed that they can’t hold us down, and Pink sang, “So what I’m still a rock star and I don’t need you tonight”.  And these are just the messages coming through the radio.  So why is that as I get ready to leave for my upcoming trip that it has once again become all about a guy?

Over the past few days, it’s felt like everyone I know is trying to catch up with me.  Everyone wants to get together, everyone wants to chat, and everyone keeps asking me the same questions.  “Are there any cute guys going with you?”  Or “Maybe you’ll meet a hot guy with an accent”.  Of course I smile and laugh it off but I can’t help but think, when did this all become about meeting someone?!

Last November, I applied to go on a trip with Habitat for Humanity.  I impressed the leaders in the interview and got selected.  I raised and saved the money to pay for this adventure.  Every step of this process, I have done on my own without the help of a boy so why would the end result be about a guy? 

For me this trip has been all about me.  I did it because I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone.  I wanted to put myself in a situation with people who aren’t necessarily the people I would interact with in my everyday life.  I wanted to challenge myself and what I am capable of.  I wanted to step away from my normal life and find some adventure.  I wanted to put another stamp in my passport and see a part of the world that I may otherwise never have gotten the chance to.  I wanted to immerse myself in the culture of another country rather than just see it as a tourist.  I wanted to leave my mark and help someone other than myself.  I wanted to learn new skills.  There are about a hundred other reasons why I decided to do this but none of them include falling in love or finding a guy.

I may be single but I prefer to call myself independent.  Every day I wake up and go about the day all on my own, just like I am going to do from the other side of the globe.  I have done ok for myself so far and I’m happy with that.  One day I will have another relationship but for right now I am doing this, no boys allowed!

"I think the key is for women not to set any limits." - Martina Navratilova

Hole in One

The other day, I was out with my brother and some of my cousins playing miniature golf.  This game has sort of become a yearly tradition which everyone from my 8 year old cousin to my 29 year old self not so secretly look forward to every summer but this year I actually learned something more than I am a horrible golfer.

The whole event was pretty much a typical round of mini golf.  There were some good scoring holes and some unfortunate I’ll take a six moments but overall it was pretty uneventful until we stepped up to the 18^th hole.  We played in 3 different groups and my group happened to be the last one to go.  As we patiently waited our turn to play our final hole, we watched the group in front of us take their shots.  The last person in that group to go was my brother and it only took about 5 seconds for him to set up, hit the ball, and have it fall perfectly into the cup for one last hole in one.  After it happened, my 8 year old cousin Abby turned to me with a big smile on her face and said, “I’m going to do that.”  I politely smiled back knowing that a hole in one was easier said than done but she was too cute to tell that harsh truth to.  I watched as she set her little red golf ball down on the green and hit it with her putter.  The ball went sailing towards the hole until it disappeared, right into the cup.  Hole in one.  Seriously?!

I was stunned!  It wasn’t that I didn’t think Abby could get a hole in one, it was more that she predicted that it would happen before it even did.  Personally I think I stepped up to every hole day saying this would be the one that I got the hole in one on but it didn’t happen for me.  The whole thing really made me wonder what it was about Abby stating she was going to get the hole in one that was different than me thinking on every hole that it would finally be my perfect putt.

The difference is actually simple to see.  At some point, we all try to predict things that will happen or secretly want them to happen a certain way but it’s impossible to really know if you will achieve the desired outcome.   I know that even though I want something, there is no way to completely know that it will happen and that keeps me from fullying believing in it's possiblity.   Abby was certain.   She was confident. 

Ok I will admit there may or may not have been a little luck involved in the outcome but maybe the kid is on to something.  We are so used to disappointment or things not working out for us that no matter how sure or confident we are in ourselves or our abilities, we always proceed with caution, hoping for the best but still being ready for the worst.   Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, the blissful innocence faded and we let the doubt creep in.  Its like we are ready with Plan B before we even let Plan A play out or we grab the band-aid before we even start something because there is a chance we could fall.  In both cases we are ready for when we fail, even though there is just as much of a possiblity that we will succeed.  Maybe we should learn stop always analyzing things or weighing the pluses and minuses and just smile, step up to the tee, and believe that great things can happen when we stop doubting everything.  Maybe you'll even get your hole in one.

“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.” – Author Unknown

Comfortable Uncomfortable

Sometimes in life, you have to step away from your world.  You have to back off from what you are doing, take a deep breath and recharge your batteries before you continue on.   For me when the calendar page turned to August, I knew that meant that I was dangerously close to doing something that I hoped would be a defining part of this year and this journey but I needed to do something before I set off on my adventure.  I needed to get comfortable before I could be uncomfortable.

Ok that may be a bit confusing but for the last couple of weeks; I stepped away from this blog and this idea of changing and focused on enjoying the things that I am used to.  I spent time with family and friends.  I reconnected with people I hadn’t seen in a while.  I did some reading, played around with my camera, caught up on some television shows and movies, and I even got in some summer beach time.  Overall, I did the things that make me happy and the things that make me feel comfortable without trying to make them different or more exciting.  In two weeks, I head to New Zealand for my trip with Habitat for Humanity and I know that I will be completely out of my element but it will force me to be uncomfortable. 

I’ve said it before, for a while I’ve felt like I was just going through the motions and not really living.  Life just became a little too comfortable.  By pushing myself, seeking out adventure, and trying to become more the person I wanted to be, I hoped to jump out of my safety zone and have more excitement in my world.  The past few weeks have made me see that the things in my life that are comfortable will always be there, no matter how much you try to change and that’s not always a bad thing.  Comfortable is good.  It’s stable.  It’s dependable.  The things in my life that are “comfortable” don’t necessary need to be eliminated but what I really need to do is find a nice balance between the comfortable and the uncomfortable.  So I set out to just do the things that I loved no matter how mundane or lackluster they might be and as I enjoyed the comforts of my life, I was able to appreciate them more than I might have in the past because I still had the adventures in the unknown that lie ahead of me to look forward to. 

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” – Thomas Merton

Life's Little Challenges

One of the things that has really made this year fun for me and in turn helped me grow, has been the challenges that I’ve set for myself along the way.  For example, a few weeks ago I wrote several posts about organizing my house, which was one of my challenges to help fight my natural tendencies and start training me to be more of the type of person I want to be.  Well last week I decided to take my post on Nelson Mandela’s birthday request and run with it.  Challenge accepted!

As you all know from my previous entry, last week on his birthday, Nelson Mandela asked that everyone take 67 minutes and do something to benefit the world to represent the 67 years he spent fighting for human rights.  Regardless of the 67 minutes he requested, I started thinking about how easy it is to incorporate something for the greater good into everyday so I decided that I would take a week and try to do things that would benefit others one day at a time.

Monday – When I was doing my house organization, I cleaned out a lot of drawers.  The piles of clothes to be given away have been sitting in my living room for weeks now so I decided that this was the perfect selfless deed for Monday.  I bagged up all the clothing I had already decided to give away and went through all my drawers and closets a second time to see if I had anything else that I was willing to part with.  After I was done, I took the bags to a local shopping center that had a clothing drop container in their parking lot.  Giving clothes to the needy – CHECK!

Tuesday – Inspired by a letter I received for my upcoming Habitat for Humanity trip, I decided to devote Tuesday’s blog to the charitable organization.  It really wasn’t much but by mentioning the organization and the work that they do, hopefully it will generate some interest and maybe even some future donors or volunteers.  Blog about a charity to generate awareness – CHECK!

Wednesday – I live in the suburbs so we drive EVERYWHERE!  Going to work, going to the grocery store, going out to bars, and even running around town but on this particular day, I had a task that could be done without the use of my car.  I have a friend that lives exactly 3 miles round trip from my apartment and I had to drop something off at her house.  Normally I would make the quick two minute drive down to her house, drop off what I needed to and come right back, especially in the excessive heat last week, but instead I decided to walk it.  I threw on my Ipod and some gym clothes and ran my errand on foot.  Not only did I do a little something for the planet but I also got in some pretty great exercise.  Walk instead of driving – CHECK!

Thursday – Sometimes you can make a difference to someone, just by doing something completely simple to make their day a little better so when deciding on something to do Thursday, I opted to stop at the grocery store and pick up some cookie dough.   That night, after dinner with my parents and before I went out to the bar with some friends, I baked 3 batches of cookies to bring to work the next day.  It wasn’t a big thing but it was a nice thing.  They may never know it was me who baked or know why I did it but every single cookie was gone so I think they were appreciated.  Do something nice for the people around you – CHECK!

Friday – A very standard volunteer activity is to help a senior citizen.  You can help out at nursing home or just offer to buy groceries for an elderly person.  Well for me, I could have helped out a random person but my senior of choice had a special place in my heart.  My grandma lives alone and rarely goes anywhere.  I have to say, she lives a pretty lonely life so instead of going out on a Friday night, I decided I would drive the half hour to her house and cook her dinner.  Sometimes it’s just nice to have a little company.  Visit with a senior citizen – CHECK!

Saturday – The big issue these days is living a “greener” lifestyle.  I hate to admit it but I’m not a very green person at all.  I let the water run when I brush my teeth, I take longer showers than I need to, and I leave lights on in rooms in I’m not using.  One of the things that I really should do but don’t do is recycle.  My apartment complex offers recycling but I just don’t have the room in my apartment to collect the items so it’s easier to throw everything in one trash bag and take it to the dumpster.  Well, Saturday I decided it was time to start putting forth a little more effort to live a greener lifestyle.   I cleared an area in my kitchen where I could put empty bottles and cans.  I get a ton of magazines and typically I clean them out by throwing them in the bag with my other trash but this time I set them aside in an area I set up for discarded magazines to be taken to the recycling.  I even made sure to do the two loads of laundry I did that day in cold water to conserve energy.  Now I know that doing this stuff one day is great but in order to make an impact you have to do it on a regular basis and hopefully I’ve set myself up to do just that.  Set up a greener lifestyle – CHECK!

Sunday – I rested!  Even God got a day off J

Overall, I don’t think I did anything spectacular this past week but every little thing counts.  In the future I will think twice before I drive short distances or go to throw a plastic bottle in the trashcan.  I hope to make a bigger effort to let the people in my life know that they are appreciated or let them know they aren’t forgotten.  I have a lot to be thankful for but if I learned anything in kindergarten, it's the importance of sharing with others. Nothing that I did took all that long or kept me from doing anything that I wanted to do.  Maybe today you will think of something you can do for someone other than yourself, not because you have to but because you want to.

"We can do no great things, only small things with great love." - Mother Teresa

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

My first job out of college was as a manager running programs for a fitness facility.  Typically on Thursday nights, the gym runs a basketball league and when I was working there, I used to work a late shift on Thursday and go out for drinks with the guys who run the league afterwards.  Since I left, we have been fortunate enough to keep our Thursday night outings going and last Thursday was no exception.  As I walked through the doors of facility, down the small flight of stairs and over to the front desk, I gave my typical greeting to the employee working at check in.  “Hi, Chuck!  How are you?”  Chuck, an older man only in his 50’s but appeared much beyond that point, always politely replied back that he is good and asks how I am.  I in turn reply that I am good too and move on heading through the building and making my way to the basketball courts to meet my friends.  Tonight is Thursday and I will once again head to the gym to participate in my typical routine but this time when I walk through the door and down the stairs there will be a teenage kid sitting behind the front desk, not the older gentleman that I have grown used to seeing upon entering the facility.  You know how I know this?  Well because last Friday, less than 24 hours after we exchanged our greetings, Chuck passed away.  He was only 57 years old.

I first met Chuck back when I was managing the club and my initial impression of him, as well as several other people’s, had been less than flattering.  His gray shaggy hair and unkempt appearance made him look no different than a homeless person you might find on the streets of any city.  When he smiled, you could see the missing teeth in his mouth and when you walked by him you would be greeted with the smell of stale beer which no doubt came from one of the many beer cans you could see scattered about his car through the windows.  Based on appearance and the fact that he was a grown man working a job typically held by college and high school kids for no more than minimum wage, everyone got the impression that he had some sort of issues. 

It took people a long time to give Chuck a real chance but over the years he proved to everyone, including me, that we had misjudged him.  He worked harder than most people in that building, took shifts whenever he was needed, and even worked in other departments.  Over the years, this person who most of us thought would be fired or leave in a few weeks, ended up becoming a trustworthy, reliable staple at the facility.  A few years ago they even gave him the opportunity to take on manager on duty position.  Granted it was only one night but it was Friday night and no one ever wanted to be stuck working at the club on a Friday night until 11pm but Chuck did it and took it more seriously than any other manager took their managing shifts.  To be honest, it’s hard for me to think of that place without him. 

I chose to write this story because it’s always important to stress just how fleeting life can be.  They always use the expression her clock is ticking to refer to a woman’s baby birthing years but the truth is we all have ticking clocks.  Some of us are going to get more time on this earth than others.  For some of us, our clocks are going to stop ticking all too soon.  The problem is that there is no way of figuring out exactly how much time we are going to get.  Last Thursday Chuck was doing his job and by Friday he was gone.  Here today, gone tomorrow.

Life is short even if you live to be 100 so if your time runs out prior that, life becomes even more abbreviated.  If it’s all over tomorrow, are you happy with how you are living?  Do you have someone in your life that you aren’t speaking to or someone that you have hatred towards?  Would you be happy leaving this world with those issues still unresolved?  Are there things that you want that you keep putting off for someday?  What if you don’t get someday?  Is there someone you love that doesn’t know it yet?  Would you be ok with them never knowing just how you feel?  It’s nice to think that we always have to wait for the right time or right place for something to happen but why wait?  If you died tomorrow, would you say that you are truly happy with how you lived? 

“You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die.  Or when.  You can only decide how you’re going to live.  Now.”  - Joan Baez

One Month

Today is July 19^th, 2011.  Exactly one month from today I will be stepping on the plane and heading to New Zealand to work with Habitat for Humanity.  I don’t have construction experience.   I know no one.  I will be half way around the world for two weeks completely removed from my everyday life.  For me this will be an experience of a lifetime but for Habitat, this is their everyday life.

I would venture to guess that most people know the basic premise of the Habitat for Humanity organization but the cliffs notes version is that they are a non-profit organization seeking provide decent, affordable living spaces to those in need.  These homes are built by volunteers willing to donate their time and energy to help the cause as well as the family who will call this house their home.  Between the family’s “sweat equity” hours and the time invested by volunteers, Habitat for Humanity is able to continue their exceptional mission around the world. 

As part of the team headed to New Zealand next month, I will get the opportunity to finish up two houses that were started by another team back in May and begin the construction of two new homes that will be worked on by other teams venturing to the area in the future.  I can’t believe that in just one month, I will be a major part of giving a family a gift that will change their lives. 

I feel very strongly about this organization and the outstanding work that they do in communities around the world.  There are about 1.6 billion people through the world who are living in substandard conditions.  On top of that number, another 100 million are homeless.  In the US alone, 95 million people are faced with housing issues. (statistics are from the Habitat for Humanity website - http://www.habitat.org/)  When I read statistics like that, I think sometimes I take for granted that I have been lucky enough in my life to always have somewhere to go home to.  I’ve never had to worry about not having a roof over my head and I hope that when I meet these families in a month, that they too will have the safe feeling of knowing they will never be without a place to call home again.   

As I get ready to take my adventure with Habitat for Humanity, I urge you all to learn more about this fantastic organization and get involved.  Sure, you may not have the time or money to take off and go to New Zealand but there are plenty of builds in need of volunteers much closer to home.  And of course if you can’t give your time, give what you can from a financial stand point.  Every dollar and every dime helps keep this special group going and making a difference in our world.  If you can’t afford to give a monetary gift or donate your time to the cause right now, at least learn more about the work that Habitat for Humanity does and keep it mind for your future charitable involvement. 

To find out more about Habitat for Humanity, make a financial contribution or learn how to participate in a building event, visit www.habitat.org. 

“Habitat gives us an opportunity which is very difficult to find: to reach out and work side by side with those who never have had a decent home—but work with them on a completely equal basis. It’s not a big-shot, little-shot relationship. It’s a sense of equality.”—former U.S. President Jimmy Carter

67 Minutes

Everyone has that one friend or family member that is impossible to shop for when it comes to holidays or birthdays.  No matter how hard you try, you always end up asking yourself the same question: What do you get for the person who has everything?  Well when you are Nelson Mandela, you might have everything you need so you ask for something more precious than just material gifts.  He asked for time.

The former South African President and iconic anti-apartheid activist is celebrating his 93^rd birthday today and when he blows out the candles on his cake, he is wishing for just one thing from all of those interested in commemorating this milestone.  He’s asking for just 67 minutes of your time.  67 minutes to represent the 67 years that he spent fighting for human rights.  67 minutes of public service in his honor.  No gift wrap.  No ribbon.  No card.  Just one hour and seven minutes out of your 24 hour day to do something to better the day of someone other than yourself, to do something to benefit the world.

To be honest, if I hadn’t woken up this morning and turned on The Today Show, I never would have known about this particular request but I have to say, I’m glad I know it now.  So often we catch ourselves complaining that there isn’t enough time in the day to get the things we need to do for ourselves done but could you imagine putting the fate of a nation or its people in front of all your own individual needs for 67 years?   67 years is a long time.  67 minutes is nothing in comparison.

So if you’re reading this, you now know that July 18^th is the international day known as Mandela Day.  July 18^th may almost be over but Mandela's request is one that is ongoing.  So what are you going to do with your 67 minutes?  Maybe you will take food to a homeless shelter, clean out your closets to give clothes to good will, or volunteer to help out a senior citizen.  Maybe you will organize a charity event, make a monetary donation, or collect books to be given to the local library.  Maybe you won’t give up your 67 minutes today or this week but hopefully you will keep this request in mind and give up your hour and seven minutes at some point to help make this world a little better place.  What am I going to do with my 67 minutes?  Well I’m not sure quite yet but I do plan to practice what I preach so expect an update post soon. 

Happy Birthday to a great man who spent 67 of his 93 birthdays fighting for change and equality.  I hope you get exactly what you asked for this year!

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” – Nelson Mandela