No Boys Allowed!

It was the Pussycat Dolls who said, “I don’t need a man to make it happen”.   Beyonce told us that girls run the world, Christina Aguilera proclaimed that they can’t hold us down, and Pink sang, “So what I’m still a rock star and I don’t need you tonight”.  And these are just the messages coming through the radio.  So why is that as I get ready to leave for my upcoming trip that it has once again become all about a guy?

Over the past few days, it’s felt like everyone I know is trying to catch up with me.  Everyone wants to get together, everyone wants to chat, and everyone keeps asking me the same questions.  “Are there any cute guys going with you?”  Or “Maybe you’ll meet a hot guy with an accent”.  Of course I smile and laugh it off but I can’t help but think, when did this all become about meeting someone?!

Last November, I applied to go on a trip with Habitat for Humanity.  I impressed the leaders in the interview and got selected.  I raised and saved the money to pay for this adventure.  Every step of this process, I have done on my own without the help of a boy so why would the end result be about a guy? 

For me this trip has been all about me.  I did it because I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone.  I wanted to put myself in a situation with people who aren’t necessarily the people I would interact with in my everyday life.  I wanted to challenge myself and what I am capable of.  I wanted to step away from my normal life and find some adventure.  I wanted to put another stamp in my passport and see a part of the world that I may otherwise never have gotten the chance to.  I wanted to immerse myself in the culture of another country rather than just see it as a tourist.  I wanted to leave my mark and help someone other than myself.  I wanted to learn new skills.  There are about a hundred other reasons why I decided to do this but none of them include falling in love or finding a guy.

I may be single but I prefer to call myself independent.  Every day I wake up and go about the day all on my own, just like I am going to do from the other side of the globe.  I have done ok for myself so far and I’m happy with that.  One day I will have another relationship but for right now I am doing this, no boys allowed!

"I think the key is for women not to set any limits." - Martina Navratilova

Hole in One

The other day, I was out with my brother and some of my cousins playing miniature golf.  This game has sort of become a yearly tradition which everyone from my 8 year old cousin to my 29 year old self not so secretly look forward to every summer but this year I actually learned something more than I am a horrible golfer.

The whole event was pretty much a typical round of mini golf.  There were some good scoring holes and some unfortunate I’ll take a six moments but overall it was pretty uneventful until we stepped up to the 18^th hole.  We played in 3 different groups and my group happened to be the last one to go.  As we patiently waited our turn to play our final hole, we watched the group in front of us take their shots.  The last person in that group to go was my brother and it only took about 5 seconds for him to set up, hit the ball, and have it fall perfectly into the cup for one last hole in one.  After it happened, my 8 year old cousin Abby turned to me with a big smile on her face and said, “I’m going to do that.”  I politely smiled back knowing that a hole in one was easier said than done but she was too cute to tell that harsh truth to.  I watched as she set her little red golf ball down on the green and hit it with her putter.  The ball went sailing towards the hole until it disappeared, right into the cup.  Hole in one.  Seriously?!

I was stunned!  It wasn’t that I didn’t think Abby could get a hole in one, it was more that she predicted that it would happen before it even did.  Personally I think I stepped up to every hole day saying this would be the one that I got the hole in one on but it didn’t happen for me.  The whole thing really made me wonder what it was about Abby stating she was going to get the hole in one that was different than me thinking on every hole that it would finally be my perfect putt.

The difference is actually simple to see.  At some point, we all try to predict things that will happen or secretly want them to happen a certain way but it’s impossible to really know if you will achieve the desired outcome.   I know that even though I want something, there is no way to completely know that it will happen and that keeps me from fullying believing in it's possiblity.   Abby was certain.   She was confident. 

Ok I will admit there may or may not have been a little luck involved in the outcome but maybe the kid is on to something.  We are so used to disappointment or things not working out for us that no matter how sure or confident we are in ourselves or our abilities, we always proceed with caution, hoping for the best but still being ready for the worst.   Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, the blissful innocence faded and we let the doubt creep in.  Its like we are ready with Plan B before we even let Plan A play out or we grab the band-aid before we even start something because there is a chance we could fall.  In both cases we are ready for when we fail, even though there is just as much of a possiblity that we will succeed.  Maybe we should learn stop always analyzing things or weighing the pluses and minuses and just smile, step up to the tee, and believe that great things can happen when we stop doubting everything.  Maybe you'll even get your hole in one.

“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.” – Author Unknown

Comfortable Uncomfortable

Sometimes in life, you have to step away from your world.  You have to back off from what you are doing, take a deep breath and recharge your batteries before you continue on.   For me when the calendar page turned to August, I knew that meant that I was dangerously close to doing something that I hoped would be a defining part of this year and this journey but I needed to do something before I set off on my adventure.  I needed to get comfortable before I could be uncomfortable.

Ok that may be a bit confusing but for the last couple of weeks; I stepped away from this blog and this idea of changing and focused on enjoying the things that I am used to.  I spent time with family and friends.  I reconnected with people I hadn’t seen in a while.  I did some reading, played around with my camera, caught up on some television shows and movies, and I even got in some summer beach time.  Overall, I did the things that make me happy and the things that make me feel comfortable without trying to make them different or more exciting.  In two weeks, I head to New Zealand for my trip with Habitat for Humanity and I know that I will be completely out of my element but it will force me to be uncomfortable. 

I’ve said it before, for a while I’ve felt like I was just going through the motions and not really living.  Life just became a little too comfortable.  By pushing myself, seeking out adventure, and trying to become more the person I wanted to be, I hoped to jump out of my safety zone and have more excitement in my world.  The past few weeks have made me see that the things in my life that are comfortable will always be there, no matter how much you try to change and that’s not always a bad thing.  Comfortable is good.  It’s stable.  It’s dependable.  The things in my life that are “comfortable” don’t necessary need to be eliminated but what I really need to do is find a nice balance between the comfortable and the uncomfortable.  So I set out to just do the things that I loved no matter how mundane or lackluster they might be and as I enjoyed the comforts of my life, I was able to appreciate them more than I might have in the past because I still had the adventures in the unknown that lie ahead of me to look forward to. 

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” – Thomas Merton